Well, my fine readers… I have an unexpectedly NICE entry to add today! Believe it or not, something good happened to yours truly. After a lengthy, depressing, stressful and gray period of unemployment… I am now gainfully employed by a very reputable engineering firm in the fair capitol city of our state.

I am not what many would call a “deeply religious” or “righteous” person… but I know where credit is certainly due. After much prayer and patience, God has seen fit to bless us by allowing me to work at this new job. Today was my first day, and I would be hard pressed to tell you about anything that wasn’t fantastic!

The location is great. The co-workers are friendly and open. The bosses are jolly and relaxed. The work is very familiar and easily done. The restaurants nearby are fabulous. The parking is free. And the paycheck is going to be STELLAR!!!

I give Him all credit for this, as is only right. I may be a backslid-church-boy, and I have more than my fair share of bad habits. But my dad (God bless him) must be pullin for me up there. I’m not one to ask for pity or offer sob stories… but we’ve been having it pretty rough for a long time now. But, I am SO thankful for this chance to make things better.

I can’t wait to go back tomorrow. I hope every day is as good as this first one was. I’m sure there will be more gripes and rants in the future… but for right now, let a poor redneck enjoy a happy day.

My rant, today, comes on the tails of some recently disturbing news that I read about the author of the world-famous Harry Potter series of children’s books. Many of you may have already heard or read about this. But, I was shocked and dismayed at the revelation by author J.K. Rowling that one of her lead characters in the series, Professor Albus Dumbledore, master wizard and Headmaster of Hogwarts, is gay.

My first impression was that of disbelief. Not only that she would taint her mythical storyline with such a controversial and problematic topic such as homosexuality. But, also that she would take it upon herself to taint children’s minds with this disturbing topic, in the guise of a children’s story.

It is one thing for a person to grow up and choose their own moral path, once they’ve grown to mental maturity. It’s another matter to influence a child’s innocence and confuse their perception of sexual practices and orientation. An author takes an unspoken and accepted responsibility upon themselves when they choose to enter the realm of children’s books. A child is very impressionable, and can be mentally molded in behavior by what they are exposed to at an early age. Professional tact and good taste have governed good authors to steer clear of "mature" matters when it came to writing childrens' fact or fiction stories, in times past. It would seem that this is, sadly, no longer common practice.

Psychologists have concluded that the behavioral and psychological patterns that a person retains from childhood can very well influence their actions and beliefs throughout life. To be so thoughtless as to impress one’s personal acceptance of this so-called “alternative” lifestyle upon an innocent, impressionable young person is at the very root of unprofessionalism!

Mrs. Rowling began to entertain the masses with her world of wizardry and magic in a most innocent and non-offensive manner. Of course, Christian Fundamentalists immediately flew off their respective rockers… assuming that a fanciful, mythological, imaginative world of hocus-pocus was in some way the teaching of the Devil, himself. This sort of fanatical behavior is just as wrong. Where were these people when Walt Disney offered us the make-believe stories of Peter Pan? Cinderella? Snow White? Were these not also considered to be “widespread teachings of magic and sorcery”? The true problem began with involving mature issues in a story that they did not belong in.

It’s no more ethical and professional to state that Snow White had an orgy with the 7 dwarves… or that Cinderella was sexually assaulted by her wicked stepsisters… or that Peter Pan and the Lost Boys were a horde of flying faggots!

Is it not enough that our society is literally saturated with debauchery in the media and cinema? Won’t children have to be exposed to this unnatural and perverse behavior in years to come? I plead with the authors who touch these innocent children’s lives… to consider their own childhood and the entertainment they received as children. Bert and Ernie weren’t considered “gay” in the 70’s… they were roommates. There is such a thing. Two women or two men can actually be friends… they don’t have to be sexual “partners”.

It’s this deplorable and morally corrupted society of today that has felt compelled to re-label the innocence of things with the premise of homosexuality… because of nothing more than popular mass media pressure tactics. Special interest groups are in overdrive to force-feed acceptance of this sickening practice upon every person on the planet to the point of invading the sanctified arena of childhood. Perhaps they want to get a jump on altering perception of their chosen practices, so as to eliminate future objections? It’s a pretty low and underhanded tactic… but what can you expect. Only through reinforcement from like kind can they avoid their own guilt. If everyone is for it… then it can’t be wrong. At least…that’s what they want the reality of it to be.

I fully realize that some of my readers may be of a different viewpoint, and you’re fully within your rights to see things as you wish. I no more presume to force my views on anyone, than I’d want them to force them on me. I’m merely stating my position, because I’m compelled to try and be the voice of reason.

Children aren’t stupid. I know that. Some children, God help them, have already been exposed and damaged by this whole topic. But, thankfully, there are those who are still innocent. Those whose minds aren’t twisted and damaged by this mess… who want to believe in the magic of Santa Claus… the Tooth Fairy… The Easter Bunny.

I’m not a holy-roller… nor am I perfect… nor am I immune to sin. I’m no better a person than Mrs. Rowling. In fact, in some ways, I’m sure I’m much worse. But, regardless of that fact… she should not involve sexual matters and issues within stories that small children read.

As for this house… we’ll not reward Mrs. Rowling for her actions with our money. The purchasing of Harry Potter material is at an end.

More later.

Well folks... this isn't exactly a normal entry. But, rather, just a matter-of-fact entry. I recently became yet another statistic in this lovely Bush-economy. Yes, layoffs abound... and one of them has taken liberty to sink its jagged teeth into my white posterior.

In other words, I got laid off on Thursday of last week. It came as a shock to me, citing the fact that I'd just gotten a pay raise not two weeks prior. But, as my father always said... "There's no such thing as a Permanent Job. Just be thankful that you have a lengthy Temporary Job."

I suppose things happen for a reason. Luckily, I've already gotten calls for interviews... so perhaps this will only be a brief "unscheduled vacation" for me. Ya'll keep me in your thoughts n' prayers. Bills don't change... but your income can.

More later... if I have power. (sigh)

No, you’re not hallucinating… I’m actually posting an entry today. It stems from something I hear on the radio a lot while driving. It doesn’t matter what radio station it is, they all seem to be infested with this one offer. Free computers.

Be it a laptop or desktop, it makes no difference. They plug these paid actors as “actual customers” who are just overcome with glee by how easy it was for them to get their FREE computer. They say things like, “…how is it that we can offer these amazing computers for free?” and then go on to explain how advertisers get tired of shelling out the big-bucks for offers, and have decided to reward people through this company by offering computers for trying products they “already need”.

Hmmm… well, let me shed some light on the situation here. I’ve been curious enough to pilfer around in this type of offer in the past. I pursued it just far enough to discover the true make up of this little scheme. So, pay attention and I’ll unmask the bandit. It all starts with these little goofball companies that plug the radio spots. Their sole purpose for existing is merely to promote the whole shibang by telling you how easy it is to get this piece of crap.

The computer you’ll be receiving is most often a stripped down, bare bones, refurbished unit. It’s no more high-tech or fancy than a hand-me-down pair of shoes. If it DOES happen to be a new unit, it’s going to be the lowest end model available by the manufacturer they have contracted a sales deal with. No DVD-burners.. no fancy firewire adapters. Bottom end is what you’ll get… IF you get it.

The way they offer these is through a minefield of cheesy, complicated, undesirable offers tied to it. You begin this little journey into the absurd by entering the promoter’s main website. They, then, reinforce how awesome…fantastic…amazing…and easy this whole process is. It’s time to sell the lie. Now, if you happen to be one of the poor saps who actually goes through with this, then they begin by taking all of your contact information. This is to be utilized for spam promotions by affiliated companies….even if you suddenly wise up and back out.

After they’ve secured this, you move on to the 15 or 20 successive websites you must wade through, much like molten tar. They tell you, in a legal disclaimer somewhere close to the length of something created by Leo Tolstoy, that you will need to complete each and every offer they throw at you by third-party companies. Then wait for each offer to clear (insuring that each company places their respective fish hook in your lip). These are credit card companies, magazine offers, CD clubs, and other useless crappy things that you wouldn’t be interested in. But you MUST complete the applications for them to gain this “wonderful computer”.

Now that about 15 to 20 companies have your information (which they can and will sell to even MORE spammers) you will be processed, based upon your credit rating. If you happen to pass and get approved, then you’re now the proud owner of their useless and contractual crap. Do you get the computer now? No. You have more to do.

Now that they have you set on the hook and are cranking your ass in, for all it’s worth… you need to gain verification that you’ve completed these offers. This is entirely up to each individual company to grant you this completion status. Let’s assume that the planets align and you actually get this confirmation from all this crap you’ve just signed up for. Now you send it to the promotional company. You know… the one that told you how easy all of this was, about 2 or 3 months ago.

Now they will take their sweet time evaluating your claim. Assuming there’s no red flags on this claim, they will get this “fantastic computer” and ship it to your house (with you paying the shipping-&-handling, of course). After all, they’re not in this to spend money. They’re in this to MAKE money. They’re going to pass along the cost to fools like you. They know you’ve just demonstrated your gullibility with about 20 crappy offers in order to get this electronic paperweight. What’s a little thing like shipping and handling costs going to deter?

At this point, you’re committed to following through. At this point, you should be committed to an asylum. And now, you get your box. OH JOY!! You now have a sub-standard (most likely out of date) laptop or desktop. Assuming it doesn’t crash or fail to turn on at all… you can now use it to pay these 20 bills you’ve just added to your budget and never wanted in the first place.

Save yourself some time, humiliation, headache and financial drain. Just order a friggin bare-bones kit from a reputable store or computer supplier. Pay for the computer, and skip the crap they want to cover you with. Trust me, it’s a huge fan behind a vat of pig slop. Do yourself a favor and don’t turn on the fan.

Consider this my public service message for the day. Ya’ll take care!! More later.

Greetings and salutations to my beloved and devoted Rant-Fans out there. Yes, I realize that this entry has been 3 months overdue, but my life has been pretty hectic lately. I’m sure this latest little mentally warped tirade will make up for at least some portion of my neglegence.

Since odd and poorly made commercials tend to get on my nerves, constantly. I thought I should create some kind of featured spotlight on the most annoying commercial on-air at the time of each particular blog entry. Sort of a “Hall of Shame” feature that you can enjoy me ranting about. This way, I can vent about them… and I can address other topics, as well.

So, without further adieu… here’s the current entry for:

“Jason’s Commercial Hall Of Shame”

( Today’s winner is: Valtrex® )

Valtrex® is a once-a-day genital herpes medication, for those of you who live under a rock and haven’t seen this stupid commercial at least a million times by now. The reason it’s so annoying, is because it falls under my personal pet peeve in this area. Drugs that treat embarrassing conditions don’t need to be advertised on national television. If you’re honest with yourself, you will come to see that those afflicted by any condition which is a) embarrassing… and b) in need of medical treatment… will generally seek out the treatment that they need.

This would involve speaking with a medical specialist who can prescribe the applicable medication designed to treat the condition. Never have I seen an instance where a patient could influence a doctor’s preference on the brand of medication he chooses to prescribe, based solely upon something that the patient saw on TV. If that’s the case, then why are we constantly bombarded by these stupid prescription drug commercials?!?!

Question: By and large, what is the percentage of Americans who are currenly afflicted with genital herpes? I did a little reasearch. The current U.S. Census bureau estimates a current national population of 303,035,353. As of today, roughly 45,000,000 Americans have genital herpes. That may initially sound like a lot, but it’s really only 6.73% of the entire population of the U.S. So, for the remaining 93% of Americans… this information doesn’t even apply.

Now, what REALLY makes the commercial annoying is how it’s constructed. Like many other pharmaceutical commercials, they seem to want to get down on a “neighborly” level with you. Backyard scenery… casual dress…etc. They choose actors who look like your old college roommate, your mom or… uncle Bob. Then they script stupid things for them to say, like… “I used to be ontop of my game, but now my doctor says that my diabetes may be contributing to my E.D.”

No, uncle Bob…. You used to be ontop of aunt Mildred. And I’m sure that if millions of Diabetic Americans suffer from ED, it’s a condition they’re well aware of. No need to smile and tell us about it while sitting in your golf cart. If they’re affected, it won’t take a frank and candid commercial to get them to seek medical advice.

STOP THE STUPID MEDICAL COMMERCIALS!!! …and get back to MythBusters. They’re testing the myth of someone being able to put their elbow in their own ear. Now that’s riveting entertainment!

--------------------( * )--------------------

The next topic on the plate is also related to commercials and TV, but it isn’t a rant about their content. It’s more of a puzzlement as to the trend of pricing. I’m sure you’ve all noticed a trend in advertised pricing over a period of several years now. I’m, of course, referring to the whole “.95” issue. You know… $14.95…. $19.95… $29.95

Why is it that these people can’t just round the price up to an even number? Would an extra nickel be the pivotal selling point by which their profit or loss could be calculated? If something is $14.95, you’re going to be paying over $15.00 anyway, due to the Shipping & Handling that they always want you to pay the tab on. They’re dying to sell you something, but can’t cover the shipping. That’s always been rather stupid to me.

If they’re about to have a fit over whether they sell these pieces of crap or not, then why should the shipping matter? Well, at any rate… if you’re going to price something at $14.95, just make it $15.00… tag on your stupid S&H and be done with it. Don’t insult our intelligence by coming across with a price that lets you say “…and all this for under $15.00!!!”

It’s a friggin NICKEL, you booger-pickin morons!!! We’re not getting the DEAL OF THE CENTURY here.

Ok… enough with this mess. I came, I saw, I ranted. More later. (and hopefully not 3 months later)

Well, believe it or not, I’m back. Astounding, I know. But, I felt compelled to vent a bit of frustration at the animation studios, today. It all stems from a brief discussion I had with a fellow worker, this morning. We somehow got onto the topic of childrens’ shows and how they’ve become too adult in nature.

It seems to be a widespread viewpoint within the animation industry that children shouldn’t be treated like children these days. There are all sorts of grotesque references to bodily excretions, crude sexually oriented humor, and foul language that pops up here and there… in CHILDRENS shows! I’ve even seen references to such methodology hidden within the hallowed halls of Disney, itself! Walt would no doubt stand up out of his grave and take a 9-iron to the staff at his beloved organization if he could.

The inherent problem lies in modern society’s obvious distaste for innocense. It seems almost like an effort to instill a “magical” belief in the fairy-tale world of a child’s imagination anymore. Society wants to gut any belief in make-believe characters, traditional figures and a child’s right to BE a child, anymore. The faster they can discredit such notions and push children toward adulthood…the better they like it.

They degrade once humrous cartoons that people took with an unattached sense of humor, and have chopped them to pieces for the sake of Political Correctness. And, without missing a beat, will broadcast a cartoon where a child makes reference to eating dog feces. Yes, I’ve actually seen it myself. And today’s kids are soaking up this televised mess! Sexual inuendos, ebonic urban lingo, an almost unilateral saturation of rap & hip-hop themed music, and crude subject content are what makes a cartoon these days?? Give me Johnny Quest, Speedracer, Looney Tunes, Scooby Doo, Transformers, Gi Joe and Garfield. That is…if they haven’t butchered them into a mangled mess of PC crap, as well.

It’s truly a terrible thing to rape the innocence away from our young generations for the sake of intollerance of its mere existance. Children should be allowed to be children. They shouldn’t be thought of as merely a “grown-up-in-training”. Stop ripping away the cover on reality at a younger and younger age. They have the rest of their lives to witness the cruel reality that we all must endure. At least have the human decency to let them have a time of wonder and happiness. It may very well be the only thing that allows them to cling to sanity later in life. It’s been consistently proven that an unstable, unhappy, violent or neglectful experience as a child tends to lead the individual to similarly associated behavior, later on in life. Conversely, I’ve yet to see a single person ever arrested or jailed for dropping an anvil on another human being like Wile E. Coyote… just to see if they’ll walk off, sounding like an accordian. Give kids credit for some common sense. They sometimes exhibit more intelligence than those in mass media do.

Y'all be good… more later.

Greetings patient ones! Yes, believe it or not… I have, at long last, returned to entertain the masses with my somewhat skewed sense of humor. You may be asking yourself what has taken me so long to work up enough ire over a topic to post my annoyance about it in this beloved blog.

Well, suffice it to say that there have been several recent events that have taken place which have diminished my disgruntlement to a degree. Now, don’t mistake a lapse of entries for a negation of my tendencies. I’m still the same analytically opinionated person I’ve always been. But the events in question have been very hard to work through. I won’t expound on them here for sake of time and space. But suffice it to say that they shook my world to its very foundation. Well, without further adieu, I will introduce you to an experience that has somewhat confounded me to one degree or another. It’s not necessarily all bad… but it does tend to make me, and possibly will make several of you, go “huh?”.

A few years ago, some acquaintances of mine recommended an online gaming system to me, knowing how computer-based I tend to be. Now, I’m no genius or computer hacker by any means. But, I do enjoy a bit of escapism from the perpetually dim reality I seem to be faced with on a daily basis. Sometimes I can take the escape instinct a bit far. But, then again, so do several other people. So, while fundamentally it may still be wrong… I gain a small bit of comfort from the fact that it seems to be a widespread issue, and not just one that I indulge exclusively.

The online gaming system is one that millions have subscribed to, for one reason or another. Some, for simple entertainment. Some, for the pursuit of romantic endeavors (however odd this may seem). And still others seek financial rewards for manipulating the system, as is done with almost any medium whereby actual money can change hands.

The gaming system I’m referring to, of course, is Second Life. Several of you may already know about it. Some may actually be fellow players. Others may have only heard about it, or may have no idea what it is.

Second Life is a worldwide phenomenon, to date. It is a three-dimensional world, created online, in which you can make a playable character (or “avatar”) that you use to interact with objects and other avatars in this world. You can shape them, clothe them and color them to your liking. Many tend to recreate themselves in the Second Life world, adding clothing and objects that they may or may not already own. Some participate in role-playing scenarios, while others tend to gravitate toward musical or social venues to interact with many other users.

Quite literally, the sky is the limit. Because there are any number of things you can “buy” or build inside this world. If you can think of it, it can be made or bought. And most of what you can think of already exists there. There are several obvious differences between real life, and the gaming system of Second Life. Firstly, the ability to fly is exclusive to Second Life. Not with an airplane or rocket… but as in Superman flying. Another is the ability to quickly transfer to various distant locales by merely “teleporting”. There are other differences, but let’s cut to the chase here.

As I mentioned a moment ago, I was a member of Second Life a year or two ago. Well, due to the limitations of both the Second Life system and my computer… I abandoned the game. At one point, as either the direct result of one of Second Life’s “updates” or a computer virus… I lost my entire C:\ drive. I had all but abandoned the notion of returning to Second Life (SL) due to these prior issues, but I was recently assured of the fact that things had vastly improved since my last unfortunate and irritating experience with it. Reluctantly, I agreed to come back and experience the “new” SL.

After approximately a month of visitation, I can assure you that things have vastly improved… but certain problems tend to persist. Unless you are running a top-end PC with copious amounts of RAM, processor speed, graphics capabilities and and DSL (or better) connection… your experience with SL may be lackluster, at best. The game tends to have lags, where objects and every person in it jerk about and move slowly. It’s somewhat akin to having a minor epileptic seizure during game play.

This, I assume, is primarily due to communications difficulties between individual PC’s and the main server. Though server issues have, indeed, contributed to some of the lag sessions witnessed by hundreds. In the past week, alone, my character has inexplicably floated through ceilings while jumping… sunken into the earth up to his nose, only to pop back up on his feet like a whack-a-mole game… and go into aggravating (yet somewhat humorous) jerking fits.

If this weren’t enough to contend with, all in the name of entertainment, then the next thing I tell you about may make you question my sanity even further. Some of you, who have a very full schedule of events…people…lifestyle choices…and drama to stomach in your FIRST life may wonder why I’m even going to expound on this. You would be justified to suggest that the problems with this system already warrant a decision to leave it be. Well, never let it be said that I’m not the most stubborn and tenacious person you’ve ever met. I’m still there.

But, here’s the meat of the whole issue. So sit back and enjoy (if you haven’t already fallen asleep by now). I am a member of a role-playing group within Second Life. The theme of the role-play is set as an 1800’s era western town. There are time-authentic three-dimensional buildings, wanted posters, train tracks, saloons, brothels, bandits, sheriffs, cowboys and flapper girls. There are six-shooters, rifles, horses and the whole lot. It is a veritable cornucopia of authenticism (as far as a computerized 3D world can get, I suppose). But, recently, some matters of absurdity have given rise to what I can only call… blind modernism.

Several, if not the majority, of the fellow players make certain that their avatars are dressed in time-period clothing. Cowboy hats, gun belts, etc. But there is a group of somewhat deviant people that live their lives (real lives) in the peculiar delusion that they are somehow part animal. Now stick with me here, because we’re about to plummet off the cliff of level headed thinking. These animal-fetish people are commonly called “furies”. Imagine, if you will, a person who dresses in what amounts to a sports mascot suit (squirrel, bunny, fox, etc) and parades around at “furry” venues to socialize with other fellow furies. Yes, the practice does exist. As odd as this may seem… it gets worse. Now, they’ve taken the…uhm, “lifestyle”…into Second Life.

If gays weren’t enough of a political equality issue, now the furies want to lift a hand…or paw, as the case may be. It’s to the degree that owners of certain areas of Second Life have taken to the view of siding with their “rights” to play in these role-playing adventures…as furry avatars. Yes, you’re getting the picture now. We’re talking about places where there may be 100’s of regular human avatars milling about…and 5-foot tall squirrels and bunnies milling there with them. Now, I’m not openly judgmental of individual likes and dislikes. I have my opinions and beliefs (much to the surprise of my readers, I’m sure). But, I tend to respect peoples’ rights to do as they wish…as long as it isn’t harming others or detracting from someone else’s rights.

However, this issue isn’t about basic rights. This issue is about continuity of theme. Recently, there was a user-wide notice sent out to everyone who participates in this “old west” role-play group. In it was a seriously toned decree that all furies, which wish to play in the scenarios, will be allowed to play AS furies in said scenarios, for the sake of avoiding discrimination. Ah yes, the great evil… discrimination. Unmitigated avoidance of it places untalented hacks in with professionals, the tone-deaf in with great musicians and buffoons in with intellectually competent individuals. Let’s all just mingle.

So… what we have now, kiddies, is a posse of 12 men…all on horseback…guns loaded…hats tipped down in the dusty western sun…ready to pursue the bandits that just robbed the store. Well… 12 men and one 5’ tall rabbit named Mr. Bucky. I’m quite certain that John Wayne, facing the request for an actor to accompany him on screen in a bunny costume for a serious movie scene, would have probably shot the bunny and broken the kneecaps of any objecting persons around him. I can’t, in good conscience, role-play out a scene of any seriousness whilst a boob in a squirrel outfit and cowboy hat tries to participate in the conversation. It’s annoying…absurd….comical, at best.

Honestly, people… am I alone in my view that role-play ought to involve a decidedly common theme? Am I to assume that those of you who have played cowboy-and-indian, as children, ever accepted the guy down the street who wanted to play…as a spaceman?

Injun-Joe and Sheriff Pete never had to contend with Spaceman Spiff, I’m sure. The other kid went along with the theme of the play, or he didn’t play. It’s neither rude nor discriminatory. It’s not sexist, racist or any other IST. It’s “common sense”. Something the world is in dire lack of these days, it seems. And this is just another nail in the coffin of decency within our social structure. When even a make-believe world must be adversely affected by politically correct motivations…it’s become a sad state of affairs.

Them’s my 2-cents worth, folks… hope you’ve enjoyed my rant. As always; more later.

Goodmorning readers! It’s a rare thing for me to post twice within one week… much less one month, these days. However, I felt like expounding upon a subject today. So, get out your medication and let’s begin.

Today’s subject matter is entitled; “Pets”. Now, before I begin, I must explain that my house is a veritable zoo of animals. I have 4 fish… 3 cats… and 2 dogs. I’m just waiting for the other shoe to drop and for my wife to bring home a partridge-in-a-pear-tree. That’d be the topper.

My beagle, named Oliver, stays outside. For the most part, he’s a very loving, content, docile and happy pup. He plays with anyone who will come into his yard, and he has the strength of 4 Oxen. I kid you not. I could pull a Yukon out of a ditch with that dog. Never seen anything like it. My other dog is an AKC registered, pure-blood, Alaskan Malamute. Her name is Spirit, and she’s 60lbs of puppy…at 4 months old. She's primarily an inside-dog, since the high heat of summer would not be pleasant for anyone to endure whilst wearing a thick fur coat. She loves to play and chase the cats…(two of which take great delight in hooking her nose with a claw or two when she gets too close). She enjoys her chewtoy monkey, pouncing grasshoppers, Pringles and peeing 5-gallons at a time.

Now we come to the three stooges. Sassy is our siamese/russian-blue mix, and the oldest of the three. She’s very dignified, bossy, spoiled and a bit on the cranky side now and then. She’s frustratingly finicky about the condition of the catbox, and will just as readily utilize a rug, article of clothing or a fuzzy slipper when the litter doesn’t quite meet up to her level of freshness. She does not tolerate a cold dog nose in close proximity to her at any time.

Callie is our overweight, mentally-challenged, spoiled-rotten, domestic long-haired calico. This cat gets a bite of anything in a bowl, spoon, box or can if it’s in my wife’s hands. She’s the biggest talker of the bunch, laying down a seemingly endless barrage of “Myeeaah” at you everywhere you walk. She has lost much of her grace, much to the delight of my warped sense of humor, and I’m scolded constantly for laughing at her. Missed leaps, fumbles, and the hilariously retarded need for her to paw at anything (and I do mean anything) after taking a dump, really highlights this cat. Oh yes, her pawwing will dumbfound you. Any cat knows that when they squat to do their business, they need to turn around…sniff… and cover it with gravel/sand/litter.

Callie, on the other hand, seems perplexed by this simple action. She, on the other hand, decides that pawing and picking at the plastic sidewalls of the catbox….the plastic door flap….and sometimes the clean lenolium floor outside the catbox… is the more effective way to cover over the beast she’s just given birth to. This typically goes on for at least a minute-and-a-half. Yes… that long. ~scrape scrape pick pick pick pick…..scraaaaape scrape scrape….pick pick~

Eventually, I suppose the undeniable realization that the odor isn’t getting any weaker takes over and she just leaves. The other cats have actually come in behind her just to cover up the smell. Now that’s bonafide mental damage. We won’t even begin to discuss the debate my wife and I have over the coin-purse sized sagging paunch beneath this poor cat. The wife merely calls it “fluff”. I call it “way too many dang treats”. Whatever the case may be… it isn’t attractive. But, then again, I have a pooch around my middle…so I’m in no position to point fingers or paws.

The youngest of the bunch would be our male kitten… Boots. He’s considered to be a “tuxedo” kitty. Sporting a black coat with white booties for his paws, a white mark on his chest and a bit of white on his face, he’s a very handsome young man. With his red collar on, he’s the talk of the town. However… as with all mischevious boys… Boots takes great delight in the nightly destruction of anything green and potted. Plants must have attacked him in a former life or something. I’m not quite sure of the history between him and greenery, but he seems to have a knack for putting it in its place.

Boots also likes to sit at our glass outter door and watch birds. He has a funny way of “trilling” nearly everywhere he goes. He actually can meow like any other cat… but just a few “Brrrr?” sounds is what he typically has to say. He has begun to cat-call at night a bit… but, thankfully, has taken no notion to marking anything. With the two ladies having been fixed and taking no interest in anything remotely related to procreation, I think Boots would be at a loss on exactly how to go about those duties. The ladies are quick to let him know that they’re not up for any hanky-panky.

There are two very large South American Cichlids (Oscars) in a 50-gal aquarium, located in my living room. Their names are Bruce and Chuck. Bruce (after Bruce Lee) and Chuck (after Chuck Norris) spend most of their time looking around… gliding here and yon… picking small dominance fights with each other… and pooping. It is for this last talent of theirs that we have employed the services of Spike, our spotted Plecostomus. He’s the janitor of the bunch, and keeps the tank rather clean. He’s grown exponentially, as a result of….uhm… a plentiful food supply. Lastly, we have Ang. Yes, my youngest son named our red/blue Beta after a cartoon about some oriental “air bender”. The character’s name is Ang…The Avatar. Don’t ask.

So, there you have my zoo of family pets. I feed most of them or they wouldn’t eat. The funny thing is… I didn’t buy or bring home a single one of them. They were either a gift from a family member, or bought from a store. Spirit (malamute) was my birthday present this year. So, I suppose I can take credit for her addition.

Anyway… enough about my pets. Just thought you’d be amused to hear about them. More later.

Today’s venture into my warped synapses has to do with another odd phenomenon in advertising. I know what many of you are thinking… “What IS it with this guy and his endless annoyance with commercial advertisements?” I don’t blame you one bit for your musings or bewilderments. However, it might surprise you to know that I don’t sit and wait for the opportunity to become annoyed at advertising tactics.

But, it sometimes seems as thought marketers actually want to annoy the crap out of the buying public. Perhaps they believe that if something drives you to the brink of insanity, you’ll remember the product. I’m not sure if these individuals have stopped to consider that gimmicks and tricks only drive away customers… but apparently there must be a plethora of gullible morons who flock to these places. You can rest assured that if a product-promotion campaign drives me nuts, I will remember the name. I’ll remember it and avoid it like a flaming gay clown. (yes, I know that mental picture made you shudder too)

An advertiser that respects my intelligence, presents his/her product or service with dignity and professionalism, and places the value of customer loyalty and service above all else… will be guaranteed to gain both my respect, and business. Sadly, “true” professionalism and tact seems to be at an all-time low in the business world.

I can’t count the number of times where I’ve managed to barely avoid an attempt to reach through my truck’s radio and severely choke the dickens out of some half-wit on a car lot who feels that the only way to get people onto his lot is by standing approximately 4 feet from a perfectly functioning microphone… and acting like a carnival barker for the hearing impaired. The blatantly obvious façade of “excitement” and “enthusiasm” that they try to pull off, typically accompanied by several exaggeratedly dramatic adjectives is also a source of eye-rolling for the author of this blog. The cherry ontop of this little poop-sundae… is when they invariably quip, “I’ll see ya here!!!” To which I laughingly remark, “No….ya won’t!” … and then grin my little disgruntled grin.

Do I need therapy? Wait…don’t answer that. Well, at least you know I’m back. Hope you enjoyed it. There will most assuredly be more revelations into my quiet world of insanity in the near future. Until then, the toilet paper always goes “over”….never “under”. Remember that!!!! (twitch twitch twitch)

I realize that I haven’t made entries into my blog of rants in some time now. The reasons are varied, but one of them brought me to my very knees. I lost my father on March 15, 2007 during an accident in his back yard. He was my father, my friend, my hero and one of my biggest supporters. His guidance and judgement were always valued highly by everyone around him. My words can't hope to represent the love and respect I have for him. He was a very...VERY…good man.

Things such as this tend to take my mind away from matters that would typically annoy me. It makes a person reflect upon the truly important matters in life…and upon how very short this life of ours is. The older I get, the more things fall into perspective with regards to exactly how little time we actually are given on this planet. I don’t plan on being gone forever, but until I get back into my normal routine (if it ever returns to something resembling what was formerly “normal”)… then I will post a new rant for your amusement. If you are a believer and pray, I would ask your prayers for us. We are moving forward as best we can. But, as many of you can attest to from losing loved ones of your own, it is very difficult.

Until next time… at least you know I’m still around. Just silent, for now.

I’m issuing a fair warning to all of my readers who may be short of time today or are only mildly interested in my latest entry. This may take some time to read, and it may touch on some material that you’re not personally comfortable reading. Religion and religious practices tend to be a volatile subject in this day and age.

This morning, I was listening to my favorite local radio morning show. The two DJ’s were discussing a story they’d recently read, about a local politician who was under some controversy for insisting upon placing his hand on the Koran during his governmental swearing-into-office, instead of the traditional Bible.

The whole topic of discussion amongst the two show hosts was centered around whether it mattered that the politician chose the Koran or Bible or some other symbol to be sworn in by? I began to think about this matter as I drove, and I can see several angles of interpretation over this issue. Being raised as a Christian and knowing that this country was founded by religious people, of whom the majority were Christian in faith, I naturally have somewhat of a biased belief in what I consider to be “proper”.

However, I also realize that as our country has grown, the variety of religious beliefs have also grown. This country may have been founded upon Christianity, but it was also founded in the belief that no person should be discriminated against or refused citizenship based upon their religion.

This means that I believe our politicians, while hopefully keeping this country’s best interests in mind, are personaly influenced by their religious upbringing. Their faith in whomever they see fit to worship can and does influence their behavior when it comes to ethics, morality, compassion and justice. I do not judge nor condemn those who follow the Islamic religion any more than I would judge or condemn those who follow Bhuddism. Christianity teaches the offerings of truth, forgiveness, love and mercy. Nowhere have I ever read where Jesus ever walked into another country and began to oppress the people with threats of violence if they did not conform to His teachings.

Therefore, regardless of my feelings and faith, I must address the root issue in question. Is it proper to “swear in” elected political officials by having them place their hand upon the Christian Bible as a sign of their respect toward what it represents… and make a public promise of integrity and patriotism? Well, let me say this; Personally, I would place my hand upon the Bible and swear to uphold the laws of this country, state, county and city. I would perform this action based solely upon my convictions and faith in both God and the Bible. But as far as my feelings of it being proper for ALL elected officials… I’d have to honestly say no.

Why? Well, we have to break down the whole process and address the reason for a swearing-in, to begin with. Elected officials customarily go through a swearing-in process, which is mainly representational and ceremonious in nature. A celebration of the traditions of our nation through representation of its inhabitants by upstanding, educated, competant individuals is what we intend. Now, whether this can be truly said of the officials we’re forced to choose between in this day and age can be questionable at best. But, be that as it may, the ceremony of publicly promising to perform their duties is a time-honored tradition.

So, why do they incorporate the Bible and God into this ceremony? Simple. In times past, there was a profound respect toward the dominant religious beliefs and practices of this fledgeling nation. Historically, these individuals who came to this land seeking religious freedom were Christian and had a deep-seeded faith in God. Therefore, any office to which an individual was elected also entailed a responsibility to those whom they represented.

A sense of moral and ethical integrity was demanded. And a religious governing of one’s conscience and actions tended to be the most bulletproof aspect by which to base the public’s trust in any official. Thus began the practice of integrating a promise to faithfully serve this country and the elected office with morality, integrity and sound ethics… and insured by a fear of righteous judgement, should the individual fail to keep their promise. And this was represented by a public display of faith in God’s Word….which Christians believe is wholely represented by the Holy Bible.
Now… We’re back to the whole question of whether those who are NOT Christians should be forced to utilize the Bible as a symbol of their comitment to ethics, integrity and morality. Asking non-Christians to do this is no more symbolic than if a Christian were to be asked to place their hand upon a sack of flour as a symbol. So are we truly insuring the individual’s moral and ethical commitment by this practice? Or are we stubbornly clinging to mere traditional procedures in raw respect toward the time-honored traditions of this country?

I have a theoretical solution. Why not “offer” the Bible to those who would choose to let it represent their faith during the taking-of-office? And for those who are not Christian, offer the book or symbol of their faith instead? Better yet… if the procedure needs to be uniform in nature, why not merely offer a folded United States flag to place one’s hand upon? Is the symbol of this country not adequate to represent the individual’s oath of devoted service to it?

At the very core of the issue, I’m not sure what’s “right” or “wrong”. I can only hypothesize about fair practices that we could implement in order to adequately respect the elected official on a person by person basis. It is often times very difficult to sort through our feelings when they are influenced by both our own faith and an innate sense of responsibility to respect the choices of other human beings.

Perhaps I’m incorrect in my assumptions and/or solutions, but I’m no expert. I just jot down my thoughts here. At the very least, it gives my readers something to ponder in quiet times. None of us have all of the answers… but maybe we can figure out a few of them by putting our heads together.

Until next time…. Peace.