In the immortal words of Gen. Douglas McArthur... "I have returned." Albeit 6 months since I last reared my ugly head, I haven't forgotten about this blog or my slightly warped readers. Well, technically, you have to be warped to find any entertainment from warped sources. I'm a warped source... ergo you must be warped readers.

Ok, enough with the warping and blah blah blah. I know what you're chomping at the bits for. Yes, I know what you crave. You want to see me delve into my darker side and verbally disect some "thing" or some "one" who has caused me to develop an eye tic or similar malady, due to the utter stupidity of their actions.

Well, wait no more. Yet ANOTHER series of fine commercials has caught my attention and caused pain to my cerebral synapses. Ah yes, the media. A never-ending source of the worst in marketing strategies. Today's little journey of angst has to do with disclaimer paranoia, and the loss of responsibility.

-= Disclaimer Paranoia & The Loss Of Responsibility =-
These days, there seems to be an overpowering sense that mass marketing has either been sued to the point of, figuratively, backing into a hole with their teeth bared. Or, based on the incompetence of our legal processes and what can be "sidestepped" or "loopholed", they feel legally vulnerable and in need of some sandbagging for any potentially devastating legal flood.

All of this will tie into Common Sense, later... but for now, just bear with me.

Have you ever been sitting on your comfy couch or favorite cushy recliner... and some commercial comes on TV that depicts actions or products doing what anyone with the I.Q. of a 3 year old would know are quite impossible? Sure, we all have. Maybe a tire commercial where the guy drives up the side of a building? How about a talking lizard that sells insurance? Or, perhaps a pickup truck that can pull a locomotive...on the tracks.

Yet, for some reason, these people feel compelled to include phrases like:

"Not indicative of actual vehicle capabilities"
"Professional driver on a closed course. Do not attempt."
"Dramatization"
"Slow Motion Used"
"Images Are Simulated"

Are these actually necessary?? I'm sorry, but they're not. Honestly, if you have to tell me not to drive my truck off a cliff, or wipe up a spill with the cat. Or, if I need someone to explain to me that an average car can't drive underwater, then I require more help than a few small words at the bottom of my screen can provide.

Seriously, people. The reason they put them there, as we all know, is the same reason that McDonalds had to start putting "Danger: Liquid may be hot" on the sides of their steaming, hot, coffee. It's there, so that utter and complete morons won't stupidly spill it on themselves and then have the audacity to utter "Ow! That's hot! Why wasn't I warned?!? I'll sue!!" We all need to line up with our hands out.. and have idiots like that just place their face against the first palm and then begin to run down the line. Talk about your Cluster-DUH!!!!!

So....

A) because we have morons who can't use common sense, and realize what can and can't be done.

B) because any frivolous lawsuit with no actual merit can get passed through the courts these days without intelligent judges seeing them for what they are and tossing them out.

C) because there are idiots who just LOOK for reasons to imitate something and then end up getting hurt or killed because they lack the most rudimentary sense of realism.

... we have to endure things like; "This is a dramatization". Here's a revelation!! If it's on TV, 9 times outta 10... it's gonna be some kind of "dramatization". And thank goodness for that... because "reality TV" sucks.

Just once... JUST ONCE... I'd like to see some cosmic justice here. How bout... "Professional Driver Shown. YOU are NOT a Professional Driver." At least that sounds better. ~shrug~

"Results my vary".... oh... really, Einstein?? In a world of constant change and unreliability, you're telling me that your product, procedure or service might deviate from an exacting, predictable result when subjected to non-identical consumers?? Glooooory beeee.... How much of an UBER-duh is this?!? That's like these stupid diet plan commercials and medical procedures for weight loss on TV. They're always taking the "Results not typical" people. What we want to see are the “typical” people. I mean, seriously. The "typical" user is indicative of what can actually be achieved while utilizing this product or service. There are always going to be those who naturally respond or even accel with certain treatments. But using these to represent what can be achieved, while feasible, is somewhat of a half-truth. But the media tends to live off of half-truths, in their attempt to sell something.

That seems to be where we are these days. Wading through a swamp of half-truths and marketing traps... all in the name of commerce.

So, until next time.... take care.