No, you’re not hallucinating… I’m actually posting an entry today. It stems from something I hear on the radio a lot while driving. It doesn’t matter what radio station it is, they all seem to be infested with this one offer. Free computers.

Be it a laptop or desktop, it makes no difference. They plug these paid actors as “actual customers” who are just overcome with glee by how easy it was for them to get their FREE computer. They say things like, “…how is it that we can offer these amazing computers for free?” and then go on to explain how advertisers get tired of shelling out the big-bucks for offers, and have decided to reward people through this company by offering computers for trying products they “already need”.

Hmmm… well, let me shed some light on the situation here. I’ve been curious enough to pilfer around in this type of offer in the past. I pursued it just far enough to discover the true make up of this little scheme. So, pay attention and I’ll unmask the bandit. It all starts with these little goofball companies that plug the radio spots. Their sole purpose for existing is merely to promote the whole shibang by telling you how easy it is to get this piece of crap.

The computer you’ll be receiving is most often a stripped down, bare bones, refurbished unit. It’s no more high-tech or fancy than a hand-me-down pair of shoes. If it DOES happen to be a new unit, it’s going to be the lowest end model available by the manufacturer they have contracted a sales deal with. No DVD-burners.. no fancy firewire adapters. Bottom end is what you’ll get… IF you get it.

The way they offer these is through a minefield of cheesy, complicated, undesirable offers tied to it. You begin this little journey into the absurd by entering the promoter’s main website. They, then, reinforce how awesome…fantastic…amazing…and easy this whole process is. It’s time to sell the lie. Now, if you happen to be one of the poor saps who actually goes through with this, then they begin by taking all of your contact information. This is to be utilized for spam promotions by affiliated companies….even if you suddenly wise up and back out.

After they’ve secured this, you move on to the 15 or 20 successive websites you must wade through, much like molten tar. They tell you, in a legal disclaimer somewhere close to the length of something created by Leo Tolstoy, that you will need to complete each and every offer they throw at you by third-party companies. Then wait for each offer to clear (insuring that each company places their respective fish hook in your lip). These are credit card companies, magazine offers, CD clubs, and other useless crappy things that you wouldn’t be interested in. But you MUST complete the applications for them to gain this “wonderful computer”.

Now that about 15 to 20 companies have your information (which they can and will sell to even MORE spammers) you will be processed, based upon your credit rating. If you happen to pass and get approved, then you’re now the proud owner of their useless and contractual crap. Do you get the computer now? No. You have more to do.

Now that they have you set on the hook and are cranking your ass in, for all it’s worth… you need to gain verification that you’ve completed these offers. This is entirely up to each individual company to grant you this completion status. Let’s assume that the planets align and you actually get this confirmation from all this crap you’ve just signed up for. Now you send it to the promotional company. You know… the one that told you how easy all of this was, about 2 or 3 months ago.

Now they will take their sweet time evaluating your claim. Assuming there’s no red flags on this claim, they will get this “fantastic computer” and ship it to your house (with you paying the shipping-&-handling, of course). After all, they’re not in this to spend money. They’re in this to MAKE money. They’re going to pass along the cost to fools like you. They know you’ve just demonstrated your gullibility with about 20 crappy offers in order to get this electronic paperweight. What’s a little thing like shipping and handling costs going to deter?

At this point, you’re committed to following through. At this point, you should be committed to an asylum. And now, you get your box. OH JOY!! You now have a sub-standard (most likely out of date) laptop or desktop. Assuming it doesn’t crash or fail to turn on at all… you can now use it to pay these 20 bills you’ve just added to your budget and never wanted in the first place.

Save yourself some time, humiliation, headache and financial drain. Just order a friggin bare-bones kit from a reputable store or computer supplier. Pay for the computer, and skip the crap they want to cover you with. Trust me, it’s a huge fan behind a vat of pig slop. Do yourself a favor and don’t turn on the fan.

Consider this my public service message for the day. Ya’ll take care!! More later.