I suppose it’s time for more hate and discontent from the disgruntled redneck. I wonder if I was ever “gruntled” in the first place? Hrmm… I’ll have to ponder that later. At any rate, I have a series of rants that I’m sure will delight, confound, or confuse the hell out of each and every one of you. But, then again, that’s why you’re here…aren’t you. I’m your poison of choice. Hahaha….

And now, I present to you… the Quantum-Rant. Think of it as a value-pack.

Not While I’m Eating! – Nutrition In Schools – Participation Required

~ Not While I’m Eating! ~

This first subject may not be one of your favorites, but it has been an issue that I’m sure has annoyed the mess out of most (if not all) of us at one time or another. How many times have you come home from work, ready for an evening of supper and some television? You might be one of many families who enjoy eating a light supper while watching TV. Afterall, that’s why TV-Dinners were invented.

However, as many can attest to, there’s nothing quite so unappetizing as being forced to endure personal hygiene or sexual dysfunction advertisements while you’re trying to enjoy a meal. It’s just uncalled for. While I’m sure the manufacturers seem to feel justified in trying to present a quality product to the pubic for the purposes of bettering their quality of life… doing it in a manner that forces everyone to endure this disturbing subject matter, is another issue.

I don’t personally enjoy hearing about how one product is more absorbent than another, and how some woman’s life was made substantially better because of it. Nor do I like seeing some smiling baffoon on a golf course who is trying to convince me that his magic little pill not only made him a hit in the bedroom, but also made him a perfect golfer.

There’s a thing I like to call “Products Of Demand”. A (POD), if you will, is something that’s available to the general buying public and serves a particular purpose. However, that purpose is usually of a personal, sensitive and sometimes embarrassing nature. These products are known by common knowledge. Products like hemorrhoid treatments… lice medication… sanitary napkins… erectile dysfunction aids… personal lubricants… birth control.

POD’s like these are sought after when they’re needed. Marketing for them should revolve around the location of the product…not broadcast on national television for everyone to have to see. POD’s aren’t for everyone, and shouldn’t be marketed to everybody at once, in my opinion. Suppertime would be a lot more enjoyable if we didn’t have the hazard of those advertisements hanging about.

~ Nutrition in Schools ~

It seems that our nation, as a whole, has gotten rounder and rounder over the past few decades. Many people theorize about the various causes. Personally, I don’t think it’s merely one cause…but many small no-no’s that have caused the larger problem to grow (if you’ll excuse the pun).

You’ve heard my previous rant about “quick-fix” diets or gadgets that claim to have an amazing remedy to your obese condition. Few ever actually do. But here, lately, the government has decided that instead of respecting the sovereignty of the parental figure(s) in an American home environment, they’re going to step into our shoes and become mandatory nutritionists for our children!

Granted, proper nutrition is one of the main keys of being physically healthy. And good intentions among nutritionists, government officials and some parents is commendable. But kids have been receiving unsolicited judgements about themselves from various sources for as long as there has been school. Hazing, bullying, theft, social exclusion… these are things kids have been tormented with for untold years. And now they’re being subjected not only to judgment by their piers…but by a governmental “fat test”. The BMI (body-mass-index) is taken each year and sent home to the parents. Why? Because the government feels that kids are being raised up in an unhealthy manner and they’re going to cost the American taxpayer millions of dollars in medical bills. I hate to be the bearer of suprising news to these governmental agencies on nutrition… but American’s have been eating whatever the heck we want to eat for many, many, many years. To suddenly impose this heavy burden of judgement on our young generation of kids is, at the very least, unfair.

I say that the agencies need to get their fingers out of our kids’ lunches and make school about Reading, Writing, Math, Science and History again!! This isn’t a health-spa… this is an educational institution!! Leave the nutritional aspects to us…the parents. We conceived them, raise them, feed them, clothe them and send them for an education… not a diet plan.

If government officials want to make a change, they can tighten up their OWN flabby bellies and stop eating high-priced, high-carb, restaurant meals and start chowing down on these new menu requirements they’ve slapped on our kids in the cafeterias. Let’s see how well the officials like drinking watered down, no-name fruit juice boxes instead of Starbucks Coffee and Cappuccinos. How about a tasteless, steamed veggie tray instead of that perfectly grilled porterhouse? No? I rest my case.

It’s sad that our children have to suffer humiliation and nutritional blandness just because our governor “Hollywood Huckabee” decided that Twinkies are bad and had a gastric bypass. Now “Mr. Skinny” is on a crusade to liberate us from our terrible eating habits…. whether we like it or not. He doesn’t give a rat’s ass about us, personally. He’s concerned about his presidential campaign chances, and about gaining national recognition for his stance on the American health issues topics.

Political ambition is a monstrous thing….isn’t it.

~ Participation Required ~

Anyone who frequents the internet is almost guaranteed to come across a banner or two like the one simulated below…



You might think that by successfully shooting the shark, you’ve just gotten yourself a Playstation 3! Wow! That’d be so cool! That was so…..easy.

Ah…easy, was it? Do you know how much a new Playstation 3 is going to retail for? Somewhere in the neighborhood of $600. And you believe that by clicking a red button and shooting a cartoon shark, someone is going to send you a brand new Playstation 3? Hrmm. Well, look down there in the lower right corner of that nifty little game you just played. See that microscopic text? It says, “Participation Required”. That’s the catch.

You see… the sly little marketing companies and their Flash animation artists have come to a meeting of the minds, you might say. They decided that you’re an idiot. Now don’t get offended….they think everyone is an idiot. They think that you’re too stupid to catch onto what they’re doing. They’re using a gimmick. What’s the gimmick? Why nothing other than manipulation of people’s perceptions and assumptions. If someone says, “I threw the ball”, you get the mental picture of a ball being thrown. If someone says, “I fell down”, you get the mental picture of someone tripping and crashing to the floor. Most people do, and therein lies the foundation for this particular marketing scheme.

If someone tells you, “Throw this rock in the pond and win $10,000”…you’d leap at the chance to throw the rock, right? What would you say if you threw the rock in, and didn’t get the money? I’ll bet you’d be pretty annoyed, right? Some of you would be downright mad. Ah, but did you read the rock? Yes…read the rock. You see, the rock said, “Participation in the upcoming footrace is required for a chance to win $10,000. An entry fee of $20 is required for the footrace, and a deposit of $10 is required for the mandatory footwear. If you win the footrace and do not appear at the winner’s stand in 20 seconds, you forfeit all winnings. The winner’s stand is 50 miles away.” Now, anybody with half a brain wouldn’t participate in such a silly offer, because it’s difficult and time consuming with a high probability of error on the participant’s part. Many chances to lose and few to win constitute a large portion of the “games” and “offers” out there on the net these days.

Let’s look at how the whole thing happens. You “assumed” that if you took the offer and threw the rock into the pond, you would get $10,000. Why didn’t you get the money? Because of misleading wordplay on the part of the marketer. Nowhere does it say “Throw this rock in the pond TO win $10,000”. That would imply that your successful action would grant you a reward.

By substituting the word “and”…they have played upon your assumptions. It’s actually two offers. “Throw this rock in the pond” and then “Win $10,000”. Throwing the rock does nothing more than get your attention. They want you to think that a small amount of your effort will gain you vast rewards. They’re trying to draw you in so they can get you to participate in the requirements for a chance at the $10,000. Why would they do this? Because sleazy companies who want to gain profits by any means possible will contract these marketers to do this.

They supply a prize…and require that you apply for their offers of credit cards, music memberships, discount buyers clubs, and all sorts of other mainly useless garbage. You waste all of your time and much of your money with these ridiculous offers…then you have to make sure you’re credited with participation in the offers (sometimes this hinges on you being granted credit, based on your credit rating). After this, you must send in the proper redemption forms with proof of participation…and then wait for them to honor their offer of the prize. Is all of that worth your attention to a stupid blinking button? I think not.

My public services, and rants, are done……for now. As always, more later.

Yes, yes… I know. Many of you think that my prolonged absence and lack of contribution to the blog could only mean one thing…. “He’s finally matured and has gone on to bigger and better things!” Not so! I’m still as childish, unstable, unpredictable and disgruntled as I ever was! So, just put those hopes aside. We’re about to leap into the abyss once more. (Aren’t you glad I’m so consistent?)

Today’s entry is sort of a hodge-podge mish-mosh of different little pet peeves of mine. It will consist of everything from “Previously Owned” to “Pepsi-fication” to “Highway Robbery at the Pump”. So grab a beverage of your choice and sit back, because you're in for a lengthy read.

- Previously Owned -

Oh merciful heavens! How many times have we been presented with this little automotive bubble-gum term? While I will expound on the redundancy of this terminology in a moment… I would be remiss not to also refer you to an already established commentary on the subject. It is provided by Foamy The Squirrel, (just click on "Cell Phones & Car Ads").... and I must warn my readers that it does contain adult language. Be that as it may, I would like to voice my agreement with his major points, thusly…

“Jason…”, you might ask, “…why is it that they don’t just called a used car a used car, anymore?” That’s a very good question, my little followers, and I’ll tell you why. You see, automobile dealerships try to put on a smoke-&-mirrors act in order to establish a comfortable emotional environment. They want to appear to each customer, as if he/she is the dealership’s most valued and important one.

Now, let’s address the history of the term, itself. Some years ago, a marketing research think-tank came up with the revelation that the word “used” might convey a sense of diminished quality. They concluded that the term “used” might cause the customer to see the potential purchase of such a vehicle as unwise. Why? Because it could mistakenly convey an underlying possibility of wear and diminished performance or quality. Therefore, regardless of the redundancy of the newly adopted term, they have established an industry-wide cliché of calling “used” cars “previously owned”.

If you want to get technical about the term “previously owned”, you must realize that every car is previously owned. How? Well, ownership is established by any person or persons who control a legal interest in the property that they hold. What this means is that, initially, the vehicle was owned by the manufacturer. Whoever created the vehicle owns it until they are paid for their labor and materials. After the vehicle is shipped to the dealership, it is given over into the care and protection of the dealership owner.

The dealership attempts to sell the vehicle to customers, but most customers don’t have $20,000-$40,000 burning a hole in their respective pocketbooks. Therefore, they typically arrange a vehicle loan from either a local financial institution (bank, credit union, etc) or they establish a loan through a specialized lending institution that caters to vehicle loans. The ownership of the vehicle now changes hands to the lien holder. Technically, neither of the “owners” thus far have “driven” or “used” the vehicle. They’ve merely transferred ownership of it.

YOU, the giddy consumer, are now the “user” of the vehicle in question. ((Technically, if you trailer the vehicle to your home and push it into the garage, making sure never to drive it, it cannot be called “used”. It’s just been “previously owned” prior to anyone else owning or using it.)) So we now see a definite breakdown in terminology that seems to have somehow been blended into a confusing and inaccurate advertisement gimmick. Now you can see how “previously owned” is a rather redundant term and an obvious condition of any vehicle, and “used” is more precise in its meaning.

- Pepsification -

I know you’re all sitting out there wondering where I came up with this word. No, it’s not in any dictionary or thesaurus. I just created it to more adequately describe the process by which Pepsico, Inc. is trying to monopolize and brainwash the major portion of southern restaurant chains and their patrons. You see, it’s becoming increasingly difficult and frustrating to many of us when we set out for a meal in town these days.

Nearly every place I go has a soda fountain, and most of them are stocked with a selection of Pepsi products. While I’m sure that there are some people residing in Arkansas that enjoy Pepsi products, with myself being a fan of at least one of them (Mt. Dew)… Pepsi Cola tastes somewhat akin to carbonated pancake syrup, in my humble opinion. Coca Cola far exceeds Pepsi Cola as far as taste goes. But, whether you personally prefer Pepsi or Coke isn’t the matter I’m addressing, per se.

I’m more concerned about the disturbing trend with restaurants that seem to cater ONLY to Pepsi products. Why isn’t Coca Cola being more aggressive in their attempt to keep a loyal fanbase happy by making sure that their products are also included at softdrink fountains in restaurants? After all, there is a Coca Cola distribution center in Little Rock, Arkansas for pete’s sake!! That should account for something!!

Not everybody likes Pepsi. I’d go so far as to wager that the percentage isn’t in favor of Pepsi in this area at all. But Pepsi keeps trying to monopolize the distribution in this area. Sponsorship of events… soda fountains… television advertisements… you name it.

Coke seriously needs to get on the ball, in my opinion. They’re letting lots of people become disappointed each time they sit down to a meal at a restaurant. I would think that it could be detrimental to their marketing strategy. But what do I know about marketing….

- Highway Robbery At The Pump -

I don’t think it’s any great news to people that the price of gasoline is hideously overblown to the point of ludicrousy. At what point can an industry justify the yo-yo effect of petroleum pricing, not on a weekly basis…not on a daily basis… but on an HOURLY basis now?? Filling stations are virtually at the point of needing a full time employee that’s hired merely to walk out with a suction pole and plastic numbers to continuously change the price of fuel.

While I’m sure OPEC has a lot to do with setting the price of crude oil, and the major refiners of the oil into usable gasoline add in their costs to this amount, I don’t understand why the price is in a constant and excruciatingly painful state of flux. America’s pocketbooks are screaming for mercy as our vehicles have to not only contend with the distances we drive, but with the task of keeping us cool in the midst of this oppressive heat wave that has swept the nation. We need a damn break… and SOON.

“Well, Mr. Opinionated Redneck, what would be YOUR solution to the crisis?”, you might be inclined to ask. I have a few alternatives…

#1) Citing the fact that we, as a nation, consume the vast majority of all products from oil-exporting nations throughout the world. I submit that we can set the price of any crude oil we buy. By having a monopoly on the percentage of consumption… any decline in our usage would spell disaster for the exporters.

The inherent problem with enacting this financial leverage and thereby establishing a much lower cost per barrel, lies in the fact that our daily demand for oil has become an absolute addiction and a necessary part of our economy. It is so much so, that we can’t even spare the reduced consumption rate enough to apply leverage to the supplier.

Without enough daily crude oil, our nation would grind to a halt. Therein lies our Achilles Heel. We have been blindly ignoring the undeniable need for an alternative abundant energy source for too many years now… and like all procrastinators tend to discover, it costs more in the long run to delay.

Conclusion: Implausible

#2) Tap our existing emergency stock of oil and open all exploration of existing domestic oilfields in order to give Americans a much needed and well deserved financial break from foreign oil. While we’re enjoying this relief, the government needs to do three vital things for the growth and prosperity of our nation.

A) Pull out of the middle-east and let the UN resolve the multi-national situation. We’ve had our fingers in their pie long enough, without any end in sight with regards to fighting. These people want to spend their lives arguing over Islamic fundamentalism and who’s got the most dirt and rocks. I say let them. They’re content on beheading each other and blowing each other up. Why should we continue to act like a referee when these people obviously don’t want to stop fighting?? Let them slug it out until their population is so decimated and meager that they can’t afford to fight anyone. Perhaps unconditional peace and cooperation between them will suddenly insue at that point.

B) Strengthen the protection of our nation’s borders through military reinforcement and maximize the security procedures in areas of transit by which potential enemies would gain access to our population.

C) Lastly, commit to the unconditional development of a dependable, abundant, clean and affordable energy alternative to crude oil… and actively integrate it into all facets of society in order to break our addiction to the genocidal jabbering towel-heads in the middle-east!!!! The sheiks don’t need another platinum-coated Rolls Royce.

Conclusion: Plausible, but unlikely

I’ve done my best at this point. Granted, my opinions and viewpoints may be askewed and biased, but hopefully this has been enough to get your mental juices flowing (if not boiling). If I’ve only done one thing today by writing this, I hope it’s that I’ve done my part as a concerned American citizen by voicing my Constitutionally guaranteed right to freedom of speech.

More later.

Well… as you might guess, it didn’t take long for something else to get on my nerves and qualify itself for a severe and merciless negative critique on my blog. Today’s melee will be targeted at fast food restaurants and their radio commercials. I hereby dub this entry as……

"Chew With Your Mouth Closed"

Many thousands of us have been told by our mothers not to talk when our mouth is full of food. It’s rude, nauseating, unattractive and unsanitary. Nobody wants to hear your saliva and mashed food sloshing and squishing around in your masticating mandibles whilst you attempt to toss out some supposedly important tidbit of information that couldn’t wait for a swallow.

However, certain unnamed fast food chains are using this horrendous practice to try and convey a sense of how delicious or irresistable their food is. The actors are crinkling wrapping paper…rattling cups of drink…and filling their mouths with all manner of wet and squishy food items while they carry on some manner of dialogue about how good the food is and how great the deal is at “restaurant X”.

The only way it could sound any more offensive, is if they somehow began to suck mucus through coffee straws on air. What has advertising come to these days?!? I say the answer is for these people to stop talking while chewing. Advertise your restaurant…plug your hot items…boast about the taste! But stop making us listen to wet, sloppy mouth sounds. If anything, you’re making people want to visit the toilet…rather than your place of business.

My work is done here. More later.