This weekend has been rather interesting, to say the least. A multitude of highs and lows have assailed me. I’d wager that it’s not unlike being blindfolded and strapped upside-down to the front car of the Texas Giant rollercoaster.

Let’s start with Friday, shall we? I finally achieved the “one year” anniversary date with my employer, so I decided to celebrate my newly acquired status with the company. Since I’m now eligible for 5 days of paid vacation and paid holidays, I chose to take Friday off to enjoy a long weekend. My father had mentioned that I could get a full 50PSI of water flow from the main line stub-up if I’d tee off from it just below the pressure reducing valve and create a “high pressure” faucet.

I figured it was a good idea, because 30PSI just doesn’t cut it when you wanna water a lawn or wash a car. He and I enjoyed the cool of the morning and fixed up the tee. It works great and I’ve got plenty of water pressure when I need it. I’d consider that a (high). I watched the movie Aeon Flux. It was pretty good, actually! It was somewhat reminescent of the old cartoon in many ways. I I considered that yet another (high).

Saturday was a rather full day. The wife had an early shift at the tanning salon, but would be free in the evening. The new X-men movie had just come out, so we were all anxious to go see our favorite mutants doing battle. I got the tickets online and took the boys to breakfast at the donut shop. We had a light lunch and went to the movie at about 5:00pm. So, donuts (high)…tickets and movie (high)…not a bad day.

Sunday was to be eventful as well. I decided that, despite the call for rain over the weekend, I was going to wash our vehicles. Having been fried to a crisp earlier in the year for not paying heed to Mr. Sun whilst meandering about without a shirt… I decided to apply some protection while I scrubbed and sprayed. Well, while that was a good plan, apparently it didn’t get applied to the waistband area of my lower back and…well… it’s currently a tad uncomfortable to wear jeans with a belt.

I started watching the Nascar race on TV and rest up from detailing vehicles… but plans had been set in motion to watch the finale’ of fireworks at Riverfest ’06 up in Little Rock. They always put on a great show, and I’d agreed to go. So… with my boy, Kasey Kahne, leading the pack (high) and less than 100 laps to go…we headed out.. I wasn’t too thrilled about leaving the race. It’s like being at the bottom of the 8th inning, with your team at bat, and you gotta go to town. I resolved myself to the fact that I’d have to get the race results on my phone and miss out on the chance of watching him win (if it was destined).

We got up to Little Rock and luck shined on us. I’d hoped that the old parking deck that I used when I was working up on the 16th floor of the Regions building would be open. It was. We drove to the top of the six story deck to where we could look out over downtown. Aside from one building obscuring some of the smaller, low-altitude explosions...(low)…it was a great show. About 10 minutes before the first morter was thumped into the night air, I got the news on my phone that Kasey had clinched the victory!!! So, there was the (high) that I was hoping for. The fireworks show was another (high) of the night. There was a slight dispute betwixt the ladies in our little caravan...(low)…but it was short-lived.

After arriving home, I was horrified to discover that my computer’s C:\ drive had suddenly developed a fatal error…either in my OS (operating system) which is Windows XP Home… or possibly a physical error on the hard drive itself. It was in a perpetual loop of rebooting that kept taking it to an error screen. I grabbed my “Restore” cd’s and resolved myself to the fact that I was going to have to reformat and reinstall my OS. It wasn’t a matter of losing a lot of stuff on the drive…it’d already been lost. I couldn’t access it or back it up. There was no way to get into the system. So… I figured I’d give the drive one more shot.
I loaded the cd’s and I’m still in the process of fixing up my Windows XP to be as close as it can be to what it was before the big FUBAR. So far, so good. At least I’ll know it’s the drive itself if it repeats the error.

Monday brought the threat of rain, but my dear wife would not be denied a trip SOMEWHERE in order to get out of the house on Memorial Day. Therefore, after much mulling about over destinations, we settled on the Zoo. It was close by… inexpensive…provided entertainment for all of us…and was away from the house. I needed to stop by the ATM on the way, in order to get some admission cash. That is…after I drove back to the house and got the wallet I’d forgotten (which contained not only my drivers license but the atm/debit card as well).

We then played hopscotch with patches of rain on the way up there, and I was sure that we were going to end up disappointed with the visit. When we arrived, wind was gusting at about 10-15mph and things were beginning to look rather dark. Not good signs for a day at the zoo…but we marched onward. We met up with our friends (who hadn’t forgotten THEIR wallet) and began to stroll around the exhibits. That’s about the time when the rain set in. We strolled back to the amphitheater for a dry seat, and hoped that the shower would be short-lived. It turned out to last and last. However, all was not lost. A bird handler was in the same area as us and came down to the stage area with an absolutely gorgeous bald eagle.

I instantly thought, “What better way to be reminded of the valor and bravery of our fallen soldiers on this day…than by staring into the fierce eyes of our nation’s noble bird?” It turns out that the eagle was a female, and I was even privileged enough to wear the glove and hold her teather. She sat next to me on the amphitheater bench while the handler went backstage to see if there was anything she might care to eat. Let me assure you… when you look into the eyes of a bald eagle, with a beak like a sharpened coat hook…and talons over an inch-1/2 long EACH…. you realize that this creature commands respect. I wasn’t about to do anything to hack her off. It was truly an honor I’ll never forget.

When the rain let up to a soft drizzle…we strolled on through some of the zoo. We saw a few animals and got sopping wet, but we had fun. The zoo has always been a sort of peaceful refuge for me when life has overwhelmed me. So I’ve never had a bad day there. I hope that one day I am able to give back a small portion of myself to a place that has given me so much. Appreciation for the simplicity and beauty of nature’s creatures is something more people should take time to discover. I would definitely consider this a (high) of the weekend…

As you can see, there were more highs than lows. So, by mathematical ratio, it wasn’t too bad of a weekend.

I’ll upload pics of the eagle on the next blog post. I still have to load the camera software into Windows XP. Thanks Bill.

Today’s rant is about the “Corporate Marketing Shell Game”. You might wonder what I’m talking about. Well, as luck would have it, you’re about to find out.

The “shell game” has been around for many, many years. The game involves rapid hand movements in order to confuse and divert attention from the object (typically a small ball) which has been hidden under one of three empty turtle shells. The shells are swapped around several times in random patterns and the player is then asked to pick a shell. Some unsavory game runners are able to use slight-of-hand to remove the ball from the shell so that the player can’t win.

This tactic of changing the odds has also been called “stacking the deck" because it was used in underhanded card games so that players rarely won. The corporate world has adopted an “open interpretation” view of marketing that amounts to a virtual shell game for consumers. It’s apparent in just about every gimmick thrown at us, as consumers. Perhaps you’ve seen the word “FREE” on something? Merriam-Webster’s Dictionary gives one definition of “free” as… having a scope not restricted by qualification. However, people have now been conditioned to accept a new spelling of the word Free. Perhaps you’ve seen it. It’s now spelled F-R-E-E-*

The asterisk was added, recently, in order to help sucker would-be consumers into a situation whereby they believe they’re about to receive a gratis or obligation-free promotional offer. However, their hopes are suddenly dashed by the fact that the asterisk points to a phrase denoting something to the effect of “some restrictions apply”, or “subject to qualifications” or perhaps “see details”. This asterisk has led to a mood of disrespect for corporate marketing because it totally dismisses the whole root of the word, itself.

How are they able to bastardize this word? They use the excuse of “open interpretation”. They argue that they are, indeed, offering something for free. However, in order to actually receive the free item, you must “qualify” yourself for it. Technically, they’re avoiding false advertisement litigation by merely sidestepping it. By advertising only a portion of the marketing strategy, they’re drawing customers’ attentions to the part where they receive merchandise or a promotional item without having to pay for it. This is the bait for their participation in the marketing strategy.

That is when the shell game begins. They are told that in order to “qualify” for a particular item, they must meet a certain criteria. This can be anything from being approved for a credit account, to paying full price for the object…only to get mail-in rebates that they have to send in after a waiting period, to merely having to pay the shipping and handling costs for the object. One way or another, the corporate world will no longer give hand-outs in order to win customer loyalty. This is a sad realization. Because in doing so, they make themselves part of a sea of greed and selfish tactics that have embittered the buying public.

Years ago, marketers wanted to win the loyalty of paying customers by focusing on the needs of the customer (rather than lining their own pockets with every opportunity that they could invent). By keeping the “little guy” in mind, they made the buying-&-selling relationship into one of a personal friendship. Customers felt loyal to a manufacturer who had their best interests in mind. It was called “honest marketing” and it worked! Now days, business owners try to find gimmicks and loopholes in order to take advantage of overly-trusting individuals. It was rightly said that a sucker is born every minute. Don’t let yourself become one of them. Watch out for the ever-present asterisk. It is NOT your friend, friend.

More later…

I’ve decided to throw some more thoughts into the ol’ blog today. Yes, they’re weird…yes, they’re probably littered with unfounded poor judgement…and yes, I’m probably one of the most stubborn and hardheaded people on earth. Your point is?

Today I'm gonna rant about radio. Ah yes, we all love radio. There’s nothing quite like our nationally available series of AM and FM stations, pumping out a limited series of songs that record companies want to impregnate your mind with in order to sell more CD’s of any given genre. But that is made even more delightful by the daily flood of annoying, loud, and sometimes offensive advertisements that come streaming out of the speaker.

If it’s not some idiot trying to sell cars by screaming at you like you’ve suddenly gone deaf and he’s on his 14th cup of Java. Then, it’s some national health foundation or something, telling you to go get your tits squished at the breast exam center, or perhaps illuminating you to the fact that your prostate or colon is out to kill you. Perhaps it’s that lovely time when Candidate A is trying to verbally crap all over the reputation of Candidate B. And the latest trend is a string of so-called “live” telephone calls by morons who ask restaurants to provide ridiculous services to them in order to advertise another one that actually has that gimmick going.

Just this morning, I’ve heard at least 5 commercials advertising the need of individuals, 50 and over, to visit their doctor for a colo-rectal cancer screening…because your ass could be killing you. Keep in mind that the marketing coordinator for this health service obviously enjoys having things shoved up his ass, because he’s targeting a market of listeners with an average age of 26. The station I was listening to is an alternative rock station. Not many retirees I know of are smoking pot, drinking Jägermeister and planning a pilgrimage to Ozzfest ’06. Perhaps he should pay a visit to his doctor and have his head surgically removed from his colon.

Let’s not neglect an analysis of the “screaming car salesman”. Oh, what a delight they are. I know I’m personally thrilled by this bellowing baffoon, blatantly demonstrating his opinion of the buying public by treating them as impressionable, deaf, persuadable gimmick junkies. Now, we all know that in a sea of cookie-cutter car lots, restricted by the manufacturer by how much they must initially charge for a particular car, the lot owners much find an edge. They’re all vying for your attention and business. What a lot of them seem to be confused about, is this. Treating your potential customers like impressionable stooges isn’t the way to go about it.

Next on the list is the babbling “disclaimers” that are typically filled full of enigmatic acronyms and are, more often than not, read off at a speed so fast that it is almost indecipherable. Many times, this is tagged onto a sales pitch by a car lot. Other times, they’ll give you only a portion of the information and tell you to “visit our website for FULL details.”

Necessary as it may be in this day and age, in order to prevent (or at least reduce) the amount of frivolous lawsuits brought on by claims against manufacturers over uncovered loopholes. It’s become more of a state of advertising paranoia than anything. It’s to the point, now, that it seems to me almost laughably absurd. Hot coffee being labeled as hot. Do not place plastic bags over your head. Packets of moisture absorbant material in electronics having to be labeled “do not eat”. What in the hell is wrong with people nowadays?? I've watched Looney Tunes all of my life (and this is quite apparent)... and I've never once hit someone with a rolling pin, frying pan, or huge mallet. I've never jumped off a cliff or been blown up by a keg of TNT.

Why, then, are Saturday morning cartoons no longer Saturday morning cartoons...and when they're shown, they're censored to be "politically correct"?!? People need to wake the hell up, take off their sissy dresses, take responsibility for their kids and their behavior, and stop being offended by every damn thing someone says or does!!! Get a backbone, America!! Your grandparents had one... why can't you??

Well… I’ve rambled enough for today. More annoyances yet to come… stay tuned.

I guess it’s time to post another update to the old blog. Some people have been informing me that one is overdue. Alright…here goes….

Firstly, plans have been made for a camping trip in the near future, possibly in early June. The opportunity to actually have some paid vacation time has come at last. I haven’t had the chance to actually go anywhere with my kids in so long it’s pitiful. So, with the 1-year anniversary at my full-time job coming up… that’ll be a pleasant change. I’ll be eligible for a raise…paid vacation and paid holidays.

Well, thinking of the camping trip got me to thinking about my options for sleeping accomodations. Citing the fact that we don’t own an RV…5th wheel camper…or pop-up of our own, we’ll be renting one. Oh, we still have the option of a family tent. We’ve got one we’ve never had the opportunity to use. But I think we’ll be going the pop-up route.

That being said, my thoughts turned to how I’d get it there. I’ve got my Dodge truck… but it didn’t have anything to tow with. Oh sure, it has the Hemi…a tow-mode switch…and the trailer-tow package. But no ball… no hitch…nothing. So I talked to my buddies down at my place of employment about it. I happen to work at a place that specializes in heavy equipment and truck accessories. They took a look under the truck to see if they had a light truck hitch that would fit mine. What they discovered was shocking!

I bought my truck brand new with 7 actual miles on the odometer. It didn’t come with a trailer hitch. I’ve never had one on it. And to the best of my knowledge…there was nothing out of place. If you’ve never seen a bird before…and you see one with no feathers….you wouldn’t know there was anything wrong. Well, I found out soon enough that there WAS something wrong. The tow-bar (a tubular steel bar that hangs behind the spare tire and is welded to each frame rail) is where a tow-hitch is bolted to.

If a truck comes from the factory without a trailer hitch, the bolt holes are empty on the tow-bar. Mine had bolts installed. Next… there are typically two, round cutouts on the bumper. They are just beneath the license plate and are positioned to each side of the trailer ball hole. These cutouts, I was told, have to be removed in order to access the bolt holes for a trailer hitch to be installed. Mine had been removed before I even bought the truck. I never knew anything ever covered those bolt holes. Imagine my surprise to suddenly realize…that my truck was missing some equipment that I’ve been paying for over the past 2 years!!!

I promptly made a call to the dealership and explained the situation. They told me to bring the truck down. I woke up on Saturday morning and took the family with me down to the dealership. They took a look at the bumper…and at the tow-bar. Then, just to make sure, they checked the VIN number against the electronic vehicle manifest sheets for 2004 (the year my truck was made). Sure enough…it was supposed to have a factory Mopar receiver hitch on it. They apologized to me several times and promptly took the truck back to have one installed. I now have a 2004 Dodge Ram 1500 with a shiny, new receiver hitch. It’s nice to get everything you pay for.

After getting this installed, I picked up a hitch tongue and a 2” ball, which fits most small trailers. I also got an adapter block which attaches to my bumper. It lets you connect your standard 4-pin trailer light “pigtail” to it for easy access…and it also has a hookup for a 7-pin barrel connector. The 7-pin will need to be wired to an electronic brake box which fits up under my dash… but that’ll come later. A pop-up camper doesn’t need trailer brakes. It’s just nice to have the option.

Mother’s Day went well. A lot of fun was had by all, and too much food was eaten (as usual). I baked a cake last night that I had originally intended to be for the actual Sunday festivities. I ran out of time, so I made up for it last night. Yea… I can bake a cake. After watching my mom do it many times during my childhood (which some might argue, continues to this day)… I picked up a knack for baking sweets. My kids don’t seem to mind. And whenever I get a hankering for a cake… It never costs more than a few dollars to have one ready in no time. I’m resourceful like that.

More later….

I reckon it’s high time I post some thoughts, gripes and commentary about the world situation, in general. (At least how I personally view it, anyway).

Many of you may be keeping up with current events. I’m not typically one of those who do. But, here recently, there have been a lot of newsworthy items that have come to my attention. Several of them honestly annoy the hell out of me. So… it’s time for a rant or two.

~ The Middle East Situation ~

Item 1: Car Bombs in Iraq…
Solution: Outlaw any civilian motorized vehicle within 2 miles of an established military outpost or site of mass civilian gathering. This way, if there IS a vehicle approaching, they’re either a terrorist…or extremely stupid. In either case, they can then be eliminated with extreme prejudice and there will be no more car bombing of military personnel or civilians en masse. If you spot a rather lumpy Iraqi with wires hanging out of his turban… walking toward an urban gathering or military compound…odds are, he’s a terrorist. Plug him in the head. Problem solved.

Item 2: Iran vs. Israel…
Solution: Iran is an extremely impoverished and desolate nation. Their only source of wealth may very well lie in harnessing nuclear power for civilian benefit. However, should these Islamic extremists start producing dirty-bombs or, at the very least, short-range nuclear armaments… then we have a very serious problem. These idiots literally think they have a shot at winning against Israel. That’s what’s so laughable. No nation on this planet will ever extinguish the chosen nation of God. It is not my place to question why people who descended from Abraham, yet do not recognize Jesus as God’s Son, are the chosen people. But, it is my sincerest belief…that if the United States ever turns a blind eye to Israel’s plight or hardship, and doesn’t stand beside her as an ally… we will fall. That’s just my view…take it or leave it. As for me… I’ll stand with Israel. (I’m just not wearing the derby, scraggly beard, and pigtails)

Item 3: Oil….
Solution: While it may not be the ONLY reason we’re there, trudging through the blazing sand, it is ONE of the reasons. The almighty gas pump beckons us. And while there are those few who live in almost god-like conditions with every amenity known to mankind at their mere whim… it is all just a matter of location…location…location. No oil = grass hut and flies. The richest sheik would be out back drinking goat milk with his genitals swinging in the breeze had it not been for the severely lucky fact that there are great pools of liquified dead dinosaurs beneath the sand. Now we find that there are petroleum fields in Russia that might help to bolster their shattered economic state and supply our need for energy. This will most assuredly draw heavy objection from the Middle East and hit them like a sledgehammer, financially. I feel that this might give the free world a much-needed and long-deserved vacation from the barrel that those greedy towel-heads at OPEC have had us bent over for several years now.

~ Illegal Immigrants & The Dilution of American Identity ~

I don’t care where you’re from. I don’t care what language you speak. I don’t care what color your skin, hair or eyes are. I don’t care what religion you are (as long as the practice of it doesn’t involve bodily harm to your fellow man). I am not a racist, bigot, hate-monger, white-supremacist, neo-nazi, skin head, Klan member….or affiliated with any other unsavory group of anti-social miscreants or hooligans. I’m a pretty easy-going and laid back kind of guy….

HOWEVER…

I am a staunch supporter of American patriotism, American jobs, American values, American traditions, American freedoms, American customs, American holidays and American language. It is my unwavering and infallible opinion that any person who permanently lives within the borders of the United States of America should be a fully inducted and legal citizen. Also… any citizen of the United States, regardless of origin, sex, race, religion, creed or custom…is an American. Black citizens are not “African Americans” any more than I am a “Euro-Native American”.

Cultural individualism has no place in National Identity. This great nation embraces the right of individuals to celebrate their heritage and ancestry through recognized holidays and celebrations. Whether it’s St.Patrick’s Day… Mardi Gras… Chinese New Year…Hannukah… Kwanza….Christmas… or any other known holiday, we recognize diversity and the celebrations involved with it. That’s what made America so welcoming to immigrants longing to live in a place free from oppression. They embraced the pride of being an American, regardless of their origins. It didn’t matter what color they were or where their ancestors were from. That was well-known. They were Americans…. And people still are, Americans. I respect any person who wants to become an American citizen and contribute their dreams, skills, talents and beauty to our nation. I love the rich heritage of the Latino community just as much as any other culture! However, many Mexican people are coming to America illegally…and we’re continuously letting them get away with it.

Illegal immigration into this country, whether it’s from Canada, Mexico, Cuba, or Papua New Guinea… is still a criminal act. It utterly baffles me how the definition of “illegal” can be vague to so many in legislation these days. There is no room for protest by those who shouldn’t even be here. How can our government lend an ear to those who have invaded our country with no regard to our rules or regulations…taken jobs in our system…neglect to pay taxes…and funnel their gains back to Mexico? Tax evasion, alone, is a felony offense. These people can’t even vote… and the government is actually hesitating about whether to enact stricter measures to insure that our well-known and well-established rules about immigration are enforced. The leaders of our nation are letting a bunch of blatant criminals dictate national policy to those we’ve elected to represent us. What is this world coming to??

Not only have we, as citizens, been forced to watch this steady migration of illegal Mexicans march across our border. But the manufacturing and marketing big-wigs of this country have taken it upon themselves to make it the “adopted norm” to include Spanish wording on every damn pack of merchandise from bubble-gum to baby wipes!!! Since when did Spanish become our obligatory second language?!?! We speak English in this country! More precisely, we speak the American dialect of English. We have Jewish, Irish, Russian, Italian, German and African people here as well. Should we not be unilateral in our marketing strategies?? I fail to see the inclusion of Hebrew, Gaelic, Russian, Latin, German or Nigerian instructions on my DVD instruction manual. Are these people not important, as American citizens?

Just like the slow and methodical conditioning of the American people to embrace “popular culture”, regardless of whether it’s sexual practice, moral laxness or political issues… we’re being slowly conditioned by the media to embrace the slow deterioration of our American individualism as a nation. Diversity among members of a nation shouldn’t mean the destruction of that nation’s identity as a unified embodiment of certain ideals.

Additionally, this country was founded on Christian principles, by Christian people, and established with the intention of allowing religious and personal diversity to take hold. This, however, did not include provisions for those with opposing views or differing religious beliefs to undermine Christian values, Christian traditions or the Christian symbolism and beliefs this government that was founded upon. You are free to believe what you want, and practice the religion of your choosing, with freedom from oppression. You are NOT free to slander, demean, tear down, undermine, belittle or criticize the plainly visible and tangible evidence of Christianity so adamantly illustrated through deed and writ by those who set the cornerstone of our society in place in the 1700’s. Enjoy your freedom….and respect the fact that the religion that you disagree with was practiced by those who guaranteed you the right to disagree. Their blood was spilled so that you have the right to believe differently. Now shut the hell up, because I don’t care what you believe. I have that right, as well.

It is said, and rightly so, that… opinions are like assholes. Everyone has one, and most stink. However, if you don’t like the smell of my opinion…get your nose out of my business.

Peace.