Tuesday, December 11, 2012

The return of the redneck

Due to the encouragement and appreciation of a dear friend, I have decided to return to this mecca of maniacal mental malfunction, and provide my readers with more reasons why I should be in a padded room, talking to Binky the invisible purple Yak.  Wait...strike that last part.  He's orange.

Look for new entries.... or, maybe exits would be better to locate.  Who knows.  I'll leave that to your capable mental faculties.

Disclaimer: You asked for it.

Saturday, September 12, 2009

Yes, I still live. No, I haven't posted anything in just over a year. Yes, I plan on posting new jibblets of drivel and nonsensical rambling. No, I won't tell you when. Keep checking back... :)

Monday, September 08, 2008

Howdy, starved readers! I suppose all of you have pondered whether I'd fallen in a hole and failed to escape for nearly three months... but I've just been preoccupied with other matters. I do apologize for my neglectfulness.

As a way of saying "Sowwy"... I am posing the following personal take on an Internet tidbit. After a lengthy read, I'm sure your hunger for my abstract and twisted view on matters will be sated for the time being. Have no fear. As subject matter pops its little head to the surface, I'll be there to scoop it up... over-analyze it... and rant about it on here for your amusement. I entitle this entry...



= = = The Kasoa & St. Ives Paradox = = =



There are two riddles that have been circulating on the internet for several years, now. Both are similar in their makeup and in their supposed solution.

The first one deals with a man headed to Kasoa; (there are actually two versions of this one)...



Version 1--

A man was traveling to Kasoa
At the bus stop, he met a man with 7 wives
Each wife has 12 sons and 12 daughters
Each daughter of the man's wife had 4 sons and 7 daughters
Each son of the man's wife had 7 sons and 4 daughters
Each grand daughter had 4 friends
How many people got to kasoa?



Version 2--

A man traveling to Kasoa met man with 7 wives.
Each wife had 12 sons and 12 daughters.
Each daughter had 4 sons and 7 daughters.
Each son had 7 sons and 4 daughters.
Each granddaughter had 4 friends.
How many people are going to Kasoa?

The next one deals with a man who meets a traveler headed for St. Ives;

As I was going to St Ives
I met a man with seven wives
And every wife had seven sacks
And every sack had seven cats
And every cat had seven kits
Kits, cats, sacks, wives
How many were going to St Ives?

((SPOILER ALERT)) Traditionally, the answer is "1"… assuming that only the narrator is traveling either to Kasoa or St. Ives.

However, being the sort of person that I am, and never holding with popular Lemmingistic acceptances, (I came up with that term – don’t you love it?) I propose the following twist on the bus stop version of the Kasoa riddle.

Background:

- Kasoa is a small town in Ghana, a country in West Africa. Transportation within rural Africa typically consists of school buses for mass public transit. The average school bus has a maximum of 24 seats, each with the capacity of seating 2 persons. So, it could safely be assumed that (with all occupants seated) the total capacity of an average bus in the Kasoa region would be 49 (48 passengers + 1 driver).

- Africa, as a whole, has accepted the practice of Polygamy for centuries. So the premise behind the narrator meeting a gentleman with 7 wives is not unheard of.

If a large group of people is located at a bus stop, then it can easily be assumed (citing their obvious family relationship) that all of them are traveling to the same destination. So, due to the fact that we now need a complete tally of the man's family, ­ we shall calculate his posterity.



A man was traveling to Kasoa

At the bus stop, he met a man with 7 wives
(husband + 7 wives = 8 adults)

Each wife has 12 sons and 12 daughters
(7 wives x 24 children each = 168 children)

Each daughter of the man's wife had 4 sons and 7 daughters
(12 daughters x 11 grandchildren = 132 grandchildren)

Each son of the man's wife had 7 sons and 4 daughters
(12 sons x 11 grandchildren = 132 grandchildren)

Each grand daughter had 4 friends
(12 daughters had 7 girls each = 84¡­ and 12 sons had 4 girls each = 48
So, 84 + 48 = 132 granddaughters x 4 friends each = 528 friends)

How many people got to Kasoa?

Ok,­ let's make a tally:

8 adults
168 children
132 grandchildren + 132 grandchildren = 264 grandchildren (total)
528 friends
=========
968 people comprise this man's family at the bus stop.

Now, noting that each of the daughters and sons would need a corresponding spouse to produce their sons and daughters,­ one might wonder where these individuals have wandered off to? Perhaps they are all visiting the bathroom facilities? If we hypothetically toss a spouse in for each son and daughter of the multiply-married-man, then we arrive at an additional 168 spouses. (7 wives having 12 male and 12 female children -- each one needing a spouse)

968 "listed" people
168 "unlisted" spouses
=====
1,136 people total

Now,­ we can take this figure and these individuals and arrive at some very thought provoking observational hypotheses;

1) This man is obviously filthy rich, extremely well-endowed… ­or both.

2) The seven wives and husband are very fertile and enjoy a robust libido. This has obviously been passed down through their genes.

3) While procreation is not a stumbling block for this family¡­ travel arrangements must be a nightmare!

4) Trying to utilize public transit to ferry 1,136 people at one time demonstrates a horrid lack of good judgment.



Remember the bus information from above? The average school bus can accommodate a maximum of 48 passengers and 1 driver (seated). Therefore, this family of 1,136 people divided by 48 passengers per bus = 23.67 (rounded up to 24) buses needed to haul this family.

So, I've ultimately arrived at the following conclusions...

1) A person who can support 1,135 family members does not need to take a bus...

2) The ACTUAL answer is­ 1,160 people headed to Kasoa…
((that’s 24 buses carrying 1,136 passengers + 24 drivers + one astounded man))


I hope you thoroughly enjoyed this evaluation of the facts and can now argue against the answer of "1" with more authority... now knowing what I know. ~chuckles~

Until next time, kiddos!!

Friday, June 27, 2008

In the immortal words of Gen. Douglas McArthur... "I have returned." Albeit 6 months since I last reared my ugly head, I haven't forgotten about this blog or my slightly warped readers. Well, technically, you have to be warped to find any entertainment from warped sources. I'm a warped source... ergo you must be warped readers.

Ok, enough with the warping and blah blah blah. I know what you're chomping at the bits for. Yes, I know what you crave. You want to see me delve into my darker side and verbally disect some "thing" or some "one" who has caused me to develop an eye tic or similar malady, due to the utter stupidity of their actions.

Well, wait no more. Yet ANOTHER series of fine commercials has caught my attention and caused pain to my cerebral synapses. Ah yes, the media. A never-ending source of the worst in marketing strategies. Today's little journey of angst has to do with disclaimer paranoia, and the loss of responsibility.

-= Disclaimer Paranoia & The Loss Of Responsibility =-
These days, there seems to be an overpowering sense that mass marketing has either been sued to the point of, figuratively, backing into a hole with their teeth bared. Or, based on the incompetence of our legal processes and what can be "sidestepped" or "loopholed", they feel legally vulnerable and in need of some sandbagging for any potentially devastating legal flood.

All of this will tie into Common Sense, later... but for now, just bear with me.

Have you ever been sitting on your comfy couch or favorite cushy recliner... and some commercial comes on TV that depicts actions or products doing what anyone with the I.Q. of a 3 year old would know are quite impossible? Sure, we all have. Maybe a tire commercial where the guy drives up the side of a building? How about a talking lizard that sells insurance? Or, perhaps a pickup truck that can pull a locomotive...on the tracks.

Yet, for some reason, these people feel compelled to include phrases like:

"Not indicative of actual vehicle capabilities"
"Professional driver on a closed course. Do not attempt."
"Dramatization"
"Slow Motion Used"
"Images Are Simulated"

Are these actually necessary?? I'm sorry, but they're not. Honestly, if you have to tell me not to drive my truck off a cliff, or wipe up a spill with the cat. Or, if I need someone to explain to me that an average car can't drive underwater, then I require more help than a few small words at the bottom of my screen can provide.

Seriously, people. The reason they put them there, as we all know, is the same reason that McDonalds had to start putting "Danger: Liquid may be hot" on the sides of their steaming, hot, coffee. It's there, so that utter and complete morons won't stupidly spill it on themselves and then have the audacity to utter "Ow! That's hot! Why wasn't I warned?!? I'll sue!!" We all need to line up with our hands out.. and have idiots like that just place their face against the first palm and then begin to run down the line. Talk about your Cluster-DUH!!!!!

So....

A) because we have morons who can't use common sense, and realize what can and can't be done.

B) because any frivolous lawsuit with no actual merit can get passed through the courts these days without intelligent judges seeing them for what they are and tossing them out.

C) because there are idiots who just LOOK for reasons to imitate something and then end up getting hurt or killed because they lack the most rudimentary sense of realism.

... we have to endure things like; "This is a dramatization". Here's a revelation!! If it's on TV, 9 times outta 10... it's gonna be some kind of "dramatization". And thank goodness for that... because "reality TV" sucks.

Just once... JUST ONCE... I'd like to see some cosmic justice here. How bout... "Professional Driver Shown. YOU are NOT a Professional Driver." At least that sounds better. ~shrug~

"Results my vary".... oh... really, Einstein?? In a world of constant change and unreliability, you're telling me that your product, procedure or service might deviate from an exacting, predictable result when subjected to non-identical consumers?? Glooooory beeee.... How much of an UBER-duh is this?!? That's like these stupid diet plan commercials and medical procedures for weight loss on TV. They're always taking the "Results not typical" people. What we want to see are the “typical” people. I mean, seriously. The "typical" user is indicative of what can actually be achieved while utilizing this product or service. There are always going to be those who naturally respond or even accel with certain treatments. But using these to represent what can be achieved, while feasible, is somewhat of a half-truth. But the media tends to live off of half-truths, in their attempt to sell something.

That seems to be where we are these days. Wading through a swamp of half-truths and marketing traps... all in the name of commerce.

So, until next time.... take care.

Thursday, December 06, 2007

Well, my fine readers… I have an unexpectedly NICE entry to add today! Believe it or not, something good happened to yours truly. After a lengthy, depressing, stressful and gray period of unemployment… I am now gainfully employed by a very reputable engineering firm in the fair capitol city of our state.

I am not what many would call a “deeply religious” or “righteous” person… but I know where credit is certainly due. After much prayer and patience, God has seen fit to bless us by allowing me to work at this new job. Today was my first day, and I would be hard pressed to tell you about anything that wasn’t fantastic!

The location is great. The co-workers are friendly and open. The bosses are jolly and relaxed. The work is very familiar and easily done. The restaurants nearby are fabulous. The parking is free. And the paycheck is going to be STELLAR!!!

I give Him all credit for this, as is only right. I may be a backslid-church-boy, and I have more than my fair share of bad habits. But my dad (God bless him) must be pullin for me up there. I’m not one to ask for pity or offer sob stories… but we’ve been having it pretty rough for a long time now. But, I am SO thankful for this chance to make things better.

I can’t wait to go back tomorrow. I hope every day is as good as this first one was. I’m sure there will be more gripes and rants in the future… but for right now, let a poor redneck enjoy a happy day.

Saturday, October 20, 2007

My rant, today, comes on the tails of some recently disturbing news that I read about the author of the world-famous Harry Potter series of children’s books. Many of you may have already heard or read about this. But, I was shocked and dismayed at the revelation by author J.K. Rowling that one of her lead characters in the series, Professor Albus Dumbledore, master wizard and Headmaster of Hogwarts, is gay.

My first impression was that of disbelief. Not only that she would taint her mythical storyline with such a controversial and problematic topic such as homosexuality. But, also that she would take it upon herself to taint children’s minds with this disturbing topic, in the guise of a children’s story.

It is one thing for a person to grow up and choose their own moral path, once they’ve grown to mental maturity. It’s another matter to influence a child’s innocence and confuse their perception of sexual practices and orientation. An author takes an unspoken and accepted responsibility upon themselves when they choose to enter the realm of children’s books. A child is very impressionable, and can be mentally molded in behavior by what they are exposed to at an early age. Professional tact and good taste have governed good authors to steer clear of "mature" matters when it came to writing childrens' fact or fiction stories, in times past. It would seem that this is, sadly, no longer common practice.

Psychologists have concluded that the behavioral and psychological patterns that a person retains from childhood can very well influence their actions and beliefs throughout life. To be so thoughtless as to impress one’s personal acceptance of this so-called “alternative” lifestyle upon an innocent, impressionable young person is at the very root of unprofessionalism!

Mrs. Rowling began to entertain the masses with her world of wizardry and magic in a most innocent and non-offensive manner. Of course, Christian Fundamentalists immediately flew off their respective rockers… assuming that a fanciful, mythological, imaginative world of hocus-pocus was in some way the teaching of the Devil, himself. This sort of fanatical behavior is just as wrong. Where were these people when Walt Disney offered us the make-believe stories of Peter Pan? Cinderella? Snow White? Were these not also considered to be “widespread teachings of magic and sorcery”? The true problem began with involving mature issues in a story that they did not belong in.

It’s no more ethical and professional to state that Snow White had an orgy with the 7 dwarves… or that Cinderella was sexually assaulted by her wicked stepsisters… or that Peter Pan and the Lost Boys were a horde of flying faggots!

Is it not enough that our society is literally saturated with debauchery in the media and cinema? Won’t children have to be exposed to this unnatural and perverse behavior in years to come? I plead with the authors who touch these innocent children’s lives… to consider their own childhood and the entertainment they received as children. Bert and Ernie weren’t considered “gay” in the 70’s… they were roommates. There is such a thing. Two women or two men can actually be friends… they don’t have to be sexual “partners”.

It’s this deplorable and morally corrupted society of today that has felt compelled to re-label the innocence of things with the premise of homosexuality… because of nothing more than popular mass media pressure tactics. Special interest groups are in overdrive to force-feed acceptance of this sickening practice upon every person on the planet to the point of invading the sanctified arena of childhood. Perhaps they want to get a jump on altering perception of their chosen practices, so as to eliminate future objections? It’s a pretty low and underhanded tactic… but what can you expect. Only through reinforcement from like kind can they avoid their own guilt. If everyone is for it… then it can’t be wrong. At least…that’s what they want the reality of it to be.

I fully realize that some of my readers may be of a different viewpoint, and you’re fully within your rights to see things as you wish. I no more presume to force my views on anyone, than I’d want them to force them on me. I’m merely stating my position, because I’m compelled to try and be the voice of reason.

Children aren’t stupid. I know that. Some children, God help them, have already been exposed and damaged by this whole topic. But, thankfully, there are those who are still innocent. Those whose minds aren’t twisted and damaged by this mess… who want to believe in the magic of Santa Claus… the Tooth Fairy… The Easter Bunny.

I’m not a holy-roller… nor am I perfect… nor am I immune to sin. I’m no better a person than Mrs. Rowling. In fact, in some ways, I’m sure I’m much worse. But, regardless of that fact… she should not involve sexual matters and issues within stories that small children read.

As for this house… we’ll not reward Mrs. Rowling for her actions with our money. The purchasing of Harry Potter material is at an end.

More later.

Monday, October 15, 2007

Well folks... this isn't exactly a normal entry. But, rather, just a matter-of-fact entry. I recently became yet another statistic in this lovely Bush-economy. Yes, layoffs abound... and one of them has taken liberty to sink its jagged teeth into my white posterior.

In other words, I got laid off on Thursday of last week. It came as a shock to me, citing the fact that I'd just gotten a pay raise not two weeks prior. But, as my father always said... "There's no such thing as a Permanent Job. Just be thankful that you have a lengthy Temporary Job."

I suppose things happen for a reason. Luckily, I've already gotten calls for interviews... so perhaps this will only be a brief "unscheduled vacation" for me. Ya'll keep me in your thoughts n' prayers. Bills don't change... but your income can.

More later... if I have power. (sigh)