I suppose it’s time for more hate and discontent from the disgruntled redneck. I wonder if I was ever “gruntled” in the first place? Hrmm… I’ll have to ponder that later. At any rate, I have a series of rants that I’m sure will delight, confound, or confuse the hell out of each and every one of you. But, then again, that’s why you’re here…aren’t you. I’m your poison of choice. Hahaha….

And now, I present to you… the Quantum-Rant. Think of it as a value-pack.

Not While I’m Eating! – Nutrition In Schools – Participation Required

~ Not While I’m Eating! ~

This first subject may not be one of your favorites, but it has been an issue that I’m sure has annoyed the mess out of most (if not all) of us at one time or another. How many times have you come home from work, ready for an evening of supper and some television? You might be one of many families who enjoy eating a light supper while watching TV. Afterall, that’s why TV-Dinners were invented.

However, as many can attest to, there’s nothing quite so unappetizing as being forced to endure personal hygiene or sexual dysfunction advertisements while you’re trying to enjoy a meal. It’s just uncalled for. While I’m sure the manufacturers seem to feel justified in trying to present a quality product to the pubic for the purposes of bettering their quality of life… doing it in a manner that forces everyone to endure this disturbing subject matter, is another issue.

I don’t personally enjoy hearing about how one product is more absorbent than another, and how some woman’s life was made substantially better because of it. Nor do I like seeing some smiling baffoon on a golf course who is trying to convince me that his magic little pill not only made him a hit in the bedroom, but also made him a perfect golfer.

There’s a thing I like to call “Products Of Demand”. A (POD), if you will, is something that’s available to the general buying public and serves a particular purpose. However, that purpose is usually of a personal, sensitive and sometimes embarrassing nature. These products are known by common knowledge. Products like hemorrhoid treatments… lice medication… sanitary napkins… erectile dysfunction aids… personal lubricants… birth control.

POD’s like these are sought after when they’re needed. Marketing for them should revolve around the location of the product…not broadcast on national television for everyone to have to see. POD’s aren’t for everyone, and shouldn’t be marketed to everybody at once, in my opinion. Suppertime would be a lot more enjoyable if we didn’t have the hazard of those advertisements hanging about.

~ Nutrition in Schools ~

It seems that our nation, as a whole, has gotten rounder and rounder over the past few decades. Many people theorize about the various causes. Personally, I don’t think it’s merely one cause…but many small no-no’s that have caused the larger problem to grow (if you’ll excuse the pun).

You’ve heard my previous rant about “quick-fix” diets or gadgets that claim to have an amazing remedy to your obese condition. Few ever actually do. But here, lately, the government has decided that instead of respecting the sovereignty of the parental figure(s) in an American home environment, they’re going to step into our shoes and become mandatory nutritionists for our children!

Granted, proper nutrition is one of the main keys of being physically healthy. And good intentions among nutritionists, government officials and some parents is commendable. But kids have been receiving unsolicited judgements about themselves from various sources for as long as there has been school. Hazing, bullying, theft, social exclusion… these are things kids have been tormented with for untold years. And now they’re being subjected not only to judgment by their piers…but by a governmental “fat test”. The BMI (body-mass-index) is taken each year and sent home to the parents. Why? Because the government feels that kids are being raised up in an unhealthy manner and they’re going to cost the American taxpayer millions of dollars in medical bills. I hate to be the bearer of suprising news to these governmental agencies on nutrition… but American’s have been eating whatever the heck we want to eat for many, many, many years. To suddenly impose this heavy burden of judgement on our young generation of kids is, at the very least, unfair.

I say that the agencies need to get their fingers out of our kids’ lunches and make school about Reading, Writing, Math, Science and History again!! This isn’t a health-spa… this is an educational institution!! Leave the nutritional aspects to us…the parents. We conceived them, raise them, feed them, clothe them and send them for an education… not a diet plan.

If government officials want to make a change, they can tighten up their OWN flabby bellies and stop eating high-priced, high-carb, restaurant meals and start chowing down on these new menu requirements they’ve slapped on our kids in the cafeterias. Let’s see how well the officials like drinking watered down, no-name fruit juice boxes instead of Starbucks Coffee and Cappuccinos. How about a tasteless, steamed veggie tray instead of that perfectly grilled porterhouse? No? I rest my case.

It’s sad that our children have to suffer humiliation and nutritional blandness just because our governor “Hollywood Huckabee” decided that Twinkies are bad and had a gastric bypass. Now “Mr. Skinny” is on a crusade to liberate us from our terrible eating habits…. whether we like it or not. He doesn’t give a rat’s ass about us, personally. He’s concerned about his presidential campaign chances, and about gaining national recognition for his stance on the American health issues topics.

Political ambition is a monstrous thing….isn’t it.

~ Participation Required ~

Anyone who frequents the internet is almost guaranteed to come across a banner or two like the one simulated below…



You might think that by successfully shooting the shark, you’ve just gotten yourself a Playstation 3! Wow! That’d be so cool! That was so…..easy.

Ah…easy, was it? Do you know how much a new Playstation 3 is going to retail for? Somewhere in the neighborhood of $600. And you believe that by clicking a red button and shooting a cartoon shark, someone is going to send you a brand new Playstation 3? Hrmm. Well, look down there in the lower right corner of that nifty little game you just played. See that microscopic text? It says, “Participation Required”. That’s the catch.

You see… the sly little marketing companies and their Flash animation artists have come to a meeting of the minds, you might say. They decided that you’re an idiot. Now don’t get offended….they think everyone is an idiot. They think that you’re too stupid to catch onto what they’re doing. They’re using a gimmick. What’s the gimmick? Why nothing other than manipulation of people’s perceptions and assumptions. If someone says, “I threw the ball”, you get the mental picture of a ball being thrown. If someone says, “I fell down”, you get the mental picture of someone tripping and crashing to the floor. Most people do, and therein lies the foundation for this particular marketing scheme.

If someone tells you, “Throw this rock in the pond and win $10,000”…you’d leap at the chance to throw the rock, right? What would you say if you threw the rock in, and didn’t get the money? I’ll bet you’d be pretty annoyed, right? Some of you would be downright mad. Ah, but did you read the rock? Yes…read the rock. You see, the rock said, “Participation in the upcoming footrace is required for a chance to win $10,000. An entry fee of $20 is required for the footrace, and a deposit of $10 is required for the mandatory footwear. If you win the footrace and do not appear at the winner’s stand in 20 seconds, you forfeit all winnings. The winner’s stand is 50 miles away.” Now, anybody with half a brain wouldn’t participate in such a silly offer, because it’s difficult and time consuming with a high probability of error on the participant’s part. Many chances to lose and few to win constitute a large portion of the “games” and “offers” out there on the net these days.

Let’s look at how the whole thing happens. You “assumed” that if you took the offer and threw the rock into the pond, you would get $10,000. Why didn’t you get the money? Because of misleading wordplay on the part of the marketer. Nowhere does it say “Throw this rock in the pond TO win $10,000”. That would imply that your successful action would grant you a reward.

By substituting the word “and”…they have played upon your assumptions. It’s actually two offers. “Throw this rock in the pond” and then “Win $10,000”. Throwing the rock does nothing more than get your attention. They want you to think that a small amount of your effort will gain you vast rewards. They’re trying to draw you in so they can get you to participate in the requirements for a chance at the $10,000. Why would they do this? Because sleazy companies who want to gain profits by any means possible will contract these marketers to do this.

They supply a prize…and require that you apply for their offers of credit cards, music memberships, discount buyers clubs, and all sorts of other mainly useless garbage. You waste all of your time and much of your money with these ridiculous offers…then you have to make sure you’re credited with participation in the offers (sometimes this hinges on you being granted credit, based on your credit rating). After this, you must send in the proper redemption forms with proof of participation…and then wait for them to honor their offer of the prize. Is all of that worth your attention to a stupid blinking button? I think not.

My public services, and rants, are done……for now. As always, more later.